PSYCHICS CAN BLOCK PEOPLE FROM ACCEPTING THE DEATH OF A LOVED ONE

Q: Last year, my sister died from a multitude of problems. She was never in any physical pain, but I know she was in a lot of emotional pain.

There is a psychic community in my neighborhood, and a friend of mine went to a medium there. There were eight people in the room. The medium said she was getting information from someone who hadn't gone to the doctor in a long time, and then ended up going all the time. The medium said she was getting an "M" and an "A" - possibly "for Mary or Martha?" Then she got the name "Janet." She asked if anyone present knew a Martha or a Janet. My friend was the only one who raised her hand.

The medium said she wanted my friend to deliver this message to Janet: "If I would have known how wonderful it was going to be on this side, I would have left a long time ago. I'm with family and I'm not in any pain, and I appreciate everything that Janet did for me." My friend was so excited that my sister had chosen her to deliver this message.

I always felt this psychic stuff was fun but not to be taken seriously. However, I can't help but believe what happened was real. I've been blessed time and again, and I was wondering if you think this is a blessing. - J., via godsquadquestion@aol.com)

A: Most of the debates about psychics end up being about whether their supposed powers are real or a sham. That is not my approach to this issue. My position, and the position of both Jewish law and Catholic canon law, is that whether or not mediums are real, no one should visit them. It would be just as arrogant of me to say that they can't contact the dead as it is arrogant of them to say that they can.

Personally, I think such communications are impossible. I also take the wisdom of the Bible seriously when it explains that talking to the dead is kind of a spiritual-category mistake. It transgresses the boundary between life and death that God intends to be absolute. The key to this view is Psalm 115:16-18: "The heavens are the heavens of the Lord; but the earth hath He given to the children of men. The dead praise not the Lord, neither any that go down into silence. But we will bless the Lord from this time forth and forever. Hallelujah!"

What this clearly means is that we have life here on earth to take care of and what happens after death is the concern of God, not us. After death, we will know if there is psychic telephone service from heaven to Earth, but given the fact that there's no cell phone service in large parts of my neighborhood, I'm not betting on it. The soul's life after death is a mystery we're not intended to solve during our earthly existence. It's on the other side of a wall that we both cannot and ought not try to look over.

Another problem with psychics is that, in my experience and in my opinion, they can keep mourners from progressing in a healthy way through their grief work. By seducing mourners into believing that they can just visit a psychic and ring up deceased relatives, mourners are sometimes blocked from accepting someone's death and moving on with life.

In fairness, I have heard from other people like you, dear J, who've visited psychics and had positive reactions to the visits. They felt that just hearing from their dearly departed (through the psychic) that things were fine gave them comfort of a unique and powerful kind that helped them move on. I guess it's your choice to pay your money and take your chance.

My experience with psychics is colored by a visit to one of them who, while in some kind of trancelike state, asked a room of 30 Italian Catholic mourners if there was anyone who had a relative named Maria. Twenty-nine hands shot up. What a coincidence!

Q: I'm 56 and Jewish. I was divorced in 1999 and remarried in August 2002. My first wife was Jewish; my second is not. As I've gotten older, I've thought about my future interment, and I do want to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. However, I'd like to be laid to rest with my present wife at my side.

Are there Jewish cemeteries that permit the burial of gentiles next to their Jewish spouses? My wife doesn't care where she's laid to rest, as long as it's by my side. - S., via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: Jewish cemeteries will not bury non-Jews, but Catholic cemeteries will bury non-Catholic spouses.

You could be buried next to your present wife in a non-sectarian cemetery where religious laws would not apply. (Of course, this would work only if your present wife dies before you and you don't re-marry, which would leave her out there alone.)

On the other hand, if you predecease your wife and she later decides to re-marry and eventually decides to be buried next to her new husband, then it will be your bones stuck out there in non-consecrated ground, which is not a good thing, Jewishly speaking. However, in this case, your family could, in accordance with Jewish law, move your remains to a plot in a Jewish cemetery.

My advice is that both of you decide to be buried in your family plots, and that all other arrangements become secondary to returning to your ancestors and to God. Also, cheer up! You're way to young to be worried about cemetery plots.

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