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Rabbi Marc Gellman began his studies in 1969 at the University of Wisconsin, and went on to attend the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of ...
Read more about By Rabbi Marc Gellman, Tribune Media Services.
JUDGING OTHERS IS A STICKY BUSINESS
By Rabbi Marc Gellman, Tribune Media Services
Q: Recently, my father asked me if I'd attend a particular social
gathering to talk to a woman who'd be there. She had said she would
write up a document for my dad, and when he tried to call her, he got
her fax machine instead. I agreed to attend the gathering to speak
with her.
The woman was attractive and was wearing a low-cut blouse showing off quite a lot of her chest. Needless to say, as a single man, it was best for me not to interact with her, but I was on an errand for my father.
Perhaps, I should have prayed about it first and the Holy Spirit would have led me to avoid this gathering. If the Holy Spirit was leading me, then I sinned because I failed to hear God accurately. To cut to the chase, I talked to the woman, got the information I needed and left immediately.
I know this woman has heard the Gospel message. She might even have made a statement of faith, yet she has not applied herself to learn the Word of God so the Holy Spirit might convict her about the way she dresses. I admit that a very spiritual man would transcend sexual desires, but the flesh is strong and subduing it requires constant vigilance. Do you agree? - T., via godsquadquestion@aol.com
A: I want to respond to your somewhat troubling but, I believe, deeply sincere question in two ways.
First, let me address you personally. I wish there was a biblical verse I could quote to you that went something like this: "Thus saith the Lord: Chill out, dude." The closest I can find is Matthew 7:5, in which Jesus says: "Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." (OK, in this case it was a sister's chest and not her eye, but you get the idea.) I agree with Jesus.
Judge yourself before you judge a woman whose fashion sense you disapprove of but whom your father sought out for legal assistance. You're far too focused on this woman's cleavage and not nearly focused enough on your sexual fantasies and your tendency to judge others superficially and unfairly.
I hope you can find a way to love a woman for what she is on the inside, and I hope and pray that seeing a voluptuous woman will not send you running from the room in fear of sin. Living a non-judgmental life is not right, but condemning people who've done nothing profoundly wrong is simply not using sound spiritual judgment. Frankly, your stance is more than a little unsettling. Remember the old adage about not judging a book by its cover? You also can't tell a sinner by her tank top!
The larger social issue raised by your question concerns the spiritual value of modesty. Modesty of dress is a valid issue to consider, but even more important is modesty of speech. For adults, there's also much leeway with regard to what constitutes a breach of modesty.
This woman who sent you into a spiritual crisis is an adult, and although I don't want to fuel your obsessions further, I do feel that in today's culture how we dress our daughters -- or allow them to dress -- raises serious spiritual and moral questions.
As school begins again, I hope parents will recover the courage to face down their daughters who dress in a sexually provocative, immodest manner, engage them lovingly and explain that their bodies are not their finest public assets, nor their only path to popularity.
Parents should explain thoughtfully that the way we dress speaks volumes about how we wish to be viewed by others. This is not about how all the other kids dress or how the popular kids dress, or if they have the freedom to make their own sartorial choices. This is about reclaiming a level of modesty in our personal and public life. Remember that the first gifts of God to Adam and Eve were fig leaves to cover their nakedness.
Then, if that loving conversation does not go well, there's always the tried and trusted backup: "You are NOT going out of this house dressed like that!"
(Send QUESTIONS ONLY to The God Squad, c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207, or email them to godsquadquestion@aol.com.
(c) 2008 THE GOD SQUAD DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.
This news arrived on: 09/04/2008
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Posted Comments:
09-06-2008 00:53
Bud wrote:
THE TRUTH
don't judge anything the LORD knows all temptations,just don't beat your self up over what you seen,ask for forgiveness,move on.He KNOWS. THEN WHEN YOU FORGET IT,IT'S OVER SO QUIT CHATING ABOUT IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO REALLY READ YOUR BIBLE AND PRAY MORE OFTEN, TO GET ANSWERS LIKE THIS STRIGHT FROM THE LORD JESUS HIM SELF! NOT THIS WAY???
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