Section 4 of 5 - Table of Contents
CHAPTER II.
A DESCRIPTION OF THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER. THE AUTHOR CARRIED TO A
MARKET-TOWN, AND THEN TO THE METROPOLIS. THE PARTICULARS OF THIS
JOURNEY.
My mistress had a daughter of nine years old, a child of toward parts
for her age, very dexterous at her needle, and skilful in dressing her
baby. Her mother and she contrived to fit up the baby's cradle for me
against night. The cradle was put into a small drawer cabinet, and the
drawer placed upon a hanging shelf for fear of the rats. This was my bed
all the time I stayed with these people, though made more convenient by
degrees, as I began to learn their language and make my wants known.
She made me seven shirts, and some other linen, of as fine cloth as
could be got, which indeed was coarser than sackcloth; and these she
constantly washed for me with her own hands. She was likewise my
school-mistress, to teach me the language. When I pointed to anything,
she told me the name of it in her own tongue, so that in a few days I
was able to call for whatever I had a mind to. She was very
good-natured, and not above forty feet high, being little for her age.
She gave me the name of Grildrig, which the family took up, and
afterwards the whole kingdom. The word imports what the Latins call
_nanunculus_, the Italians _homunceletino_, and the English _mannikin_.
To her I chiefly owe my preservation in that country. We never parted
while I was there; I called her my Glumdalclitch, or little nurse; and
should be guilty of great ingratitude if I omitted this honorable
mention of her care and affection towards me, which I heartily wish it
lay in my power to requite as she deserves.
It now began to be known and talked of in the neighborhood, that my
master had found a strange animal in the field, about the bigness of a
_splacnuck_, but exactly shaped in every part like a human creature;
which it likewise imitated in all its actions, seemed to speak in a
little language of its own, had already learned several words of theirs,
went erect upon two legs, was tame and gentle, would come when it was
called, do whatever it was bid, had the finest limbs in the world, and a
complexion fairer than a nobleman's daughter of three years old. Another
farmer, who lived hard by, and was a particular friend of my master,
came on a visit on purpose to inquire into the truth of this story. I
was immediately produced and placed upon a table, where I walked as I
was commanded, drew my hanger, put it up again, made my reverence to my
master's guest, asked him in his own language how he did, and told him
_he was welcome_, just as my little nurse had instructed me. This man,
who was old and dim-sighted, put on his spectacles to behold me better,
at which I could not forbear laughing very heartily, for his eyes
appeared like the full moon shining into a chamber at two windows. Our
people, who discovered the cause of my mirth, bore me company in
laughing, at which the old fellow was fool enough to be angry and out of
countenance. He had the character of a great miser; and, to my
misfortune, he well deserved it by the cursed advice he gave my
master, to show me as a sight upon a market-day in the next town, which
was half an hour's riding, about two-and-twenty miles from our house. I
guessed there was some mischief contriving, when I observed my master
and his friend whispering long together, sometimes pointing at me; and
my fears made me fancy that I overheard and understood some of their
words.
[Illustration: "I CALLED HER MY GLUMDALCLITCH." P. 22.]
But the next morning, Glumdalclitch, my little nurse, told me the whole
matter, which she had cunningly picked out from her mother. The poor
girl laid me on her bosom, and fell a-weeping with shame and grief. She
apprehended some mischief would happen to me from rude vulgar folks, who
might squeeze me to death, or break one of my limbs by taking me in
their hands. She had also observed how modest I was in my nature, how
nicely I regarded my honor, and what an indignity conceive it to be
exposed for money, as a public spectacle, to the meanest of the people.
She said her papa and mamma had promised that Grildrig should be hers,
but now she found they meant to serve her as they did last year when
they pretended to give her a lamb, and yet as soon as it was fat sold it
to a butcher. For my own part I may truly affirm that I was less
concerned than my nurse. I had a strong hope, which left me, that I
should one day recover my liberty; to the ignominy of being carried
about for a monster, I considered myself to be a perfect stranger in the
country, and that such a misfortune could never be charged upon me as a
reproach if ever I should return to England; since the king of Great
Britain himself, in my condition, must have undergone the same distress.
My master, pursuant to the advice of his friend, carried me in a box
the next market-day, to the neighboring town, and took along with him
his little daughter, my nurse, upon a pillion[48] behind him. The box
was close on every side, with a little door for me to go in and out, and
a few gimlet holes to let in air. The girl had been so careful as to put
the quilt of her baby's bed into it, for me to lie down on. However, I
was terribly shaken and discomposed in this journey, though it were but
of half an hour. For the horse went about forty feet at every step, and
trotted so high that the agitation was equal to the rising and falling
of a ship in a great storm, but much more frequent; our journey was
somewhat farther than from London to St. Alban's. My master alighted at
an inn which he used to frequent; and after consulting a while with the
innkeeper and making some necessary preparations, he hired the
_grultrud_, or crier, to give notice through the town, of a strange
creature to be seen at the sign of the Green Eagle, not so big as a
_splacnuck_ (an animal in that country, very finely shaped, about six
feet long), and in every part of the body resembling a human creature,
could speak several words, and perform a hundred diverting tricks.
I was placed upon a table in the largest room of the inn, which might be
near three hundred feet square. My little nurse stood on a low stool
close to the table, to take care of me, and direct what I should do. My
master, to avoid a crowd, would suffer only thirty people at a time to
see me. I walked about on the table as the girl commanded. She asked me
questions, as far as she knew my understanding of the language reached,
and I answered them as loud as I could. I turned about several times to
the company, paid my humble respects, said they were welcome, and used
some other speeches I had been taught. I took a thimble filled with
liquor, which Glumdalclitch had given me for a cup, and drank their
health. I drew out my hanger, and flourished with it, after the manner
of fencers in England. My nurse gave me part of a straw, which I
exercised as a pike, having learnt the art in my youth. I was that day
shown to twelve sets of company, and as often forced to act over again
the same fopperies, till I was half dead with weariness and vexation.
For those who had seen me made such wonderful reports, that the people
were ready to break down the doors to come in.
My master, for his own interest, would not suffer any one to touch me
except my nurse, and, to prevent danger, benches were set round the
table at such a distance as to put me out of everybody's reach. However,
an unlucky school-boy aimed a hazel-nut directly at my head, which very
narrowly missed me: otherwise, it came with so much violence, that it
would have infallibly knocked out my brains, for it was almost as large
as a small pumpion,[49] but I had the satisfaction to see the young
rogue well beaten, and turned out of the room.
[Illustration: "FLOURISHED IT AFTER THE MANNER OF FENCERS IN ENGLAND."
P. 26.]
My master gave public notice that he would show me again the next
market-day, and in the meantime he prepared a more convenient vehicle
for me, which he had reason enough to do; for I was so tired with my
first journey, and with entertaining company for eight hours together,
that I could hardly stand upon my legs or speak a word. It was at least
three days before I recovered my strength; and that I might have no rest
at home, all the neighboring gentleman, from a hundred miles round,
hearing of my fame, came to see me at my master's own house. There could
not be fewer than thirty persons with their wives and children (for the
country was very populous); and my master demanded the rate of a full
room whenever he showed me at home, although it were only to a single
family; so that for some time I had but little ease every day of the
week (except Wednesday which is their Sabbath), although I was not
carried to the town.
My master, finding how profitable I was like to be, resolved to carry me
to the most considerable cities of the kingdom. Having, therefore,
provided himself with all things necessary for a long journey, and
settled his affairs at home, he took leave of his wife, and upon the
seventeenth of August, 1703, about two months after my arrival, we set
out for the metropolis, situated the middle of that empire, and about
three thousand miles distance from our house. My master made his
daughter Glumdalclitch ride behind him. She carried me on her lap, in a
box tied about her waist. The girl had lined it on all sides with the
softest cloth she could get, well quilted underneath, furnished it with
her baby's bed, provided me with linen and other necessaries, and made
everything as conveniently as she could. We had no other company but a
boy of the house, who rode after us with the luggage.
My master's design was to show me in all the towns by the way, and to
step out of the road for fifty or a hundred miles, to any village, or
person of quality's house, where he might expect custom. We made easy
journeys of not above seven or eight score miles a day; for
Glumdalclitch, on purpose to spare me, complained she was tired with
the trotting of the horse. She often took me out of my box at my own
desire, to give me air and show me the country, but always held me fast
by a leading-string. We passed over five or six rivers, many degrees
broader and deeper than the Nile or the Ganges; and there was hardly a
rivulet so small as the Thames at London Bridge. We were ten weeks in
our journey, and I was shown in eighteen large towns, besides many
villages and private families.
[Illustration]
On the twenty-sixth of October we arrived at the metropolis, called in
their language, _Lorbrulgrud_, or Pride of the Universe. My master took
a lodging in the principal street of the city, not far from the royal
palace, and put out bills in the usual form, containing an exact
description of my person and parts.[50] He hired a large room between
three and four hundred feet wide. He provided a table sixty feet in
diameter, upon which I was to act my part, and palisadoed it round three
feet from the edge, and as many high, to prevent my falling over. I was
shown ten times a day, to the wonder and satisfaction of all people. I
could now speak the language tolerably well, and perfectly understood
every word that was spoken to me. Besides, I had learned their alphabet,
and could make a shift to explain a sentence here and there; for
Glumdalclitch had been my instructor while we were at home, and at
leisure hours during our journey. She carried a little book in her
pocket, not much larger than a Sanson's Atlas;[51] it was a common
treatise for the use of young girls, giving a short account of their
religion; out of this she taught me my letters, and interpreted the
words.
CHAPTER III.
THE AUTHOR SENT FOR TO COURT. THE QUEEN BUYS HIM OF HIS MASTER THE
FARMER, AND PRESENTS HIM TO THE KING. HE DISPUTES WITH HIS
MAJESTY'S GREAT SCHOLARS. AN APARTMENT AT COURT PROVIDED FOR THE
AUTHOR. HE IS IN HIGH FAVOR WITH THE QUEEN. HE STANDS UP FOR THE
HONOR OF HIS OWN COUNTRY. HE QUARRELS WITH THE QUEEN'S DWARF.
The frequent labors I underwent every day, made in a few weeks a very
considerable change in my health; the more my master got by me, the more
insatiable he grew. I had quite lost my stomach, and was almost reduced
to a skeleton. The farmer observed it, and, concluding I must soon die,
resolved to make as good a hand of me[52] as he could. While he was thus
reasoning and resolving with himself, a _slardral_, or gentleman-usher,
came from court, commanding my master to carry me immediately thither,
for the diversion of the queen and her ladies. Some of the latter had
already been to see me, and reported strange things of my beauty,
behavior, and good sense. Her majesty, and those who attended her, were
beyond measure delighted with my demeanor. I fell on my knees and begged
the honor of kissing her imperial foot; but this gracious princess held
out her little finger towards me, after I was set on a table, which I
embraced in both my arms, and put the tip of it with the utmost respect
to my lip.
She made me some general questions about my country, and my travels,
which I answered as distinctly, and in as few words, as I could. She
asked whether I would be content to live at court. I bowed down to the
board of the table, and humbly answered that I was my master's slave;
but if I were at my own disposal, I should be proud to devote my life to
her majesty's service. She then asked my master whether he were willing
to sell me at a good price. He, who apprehended I could not live a
month, was ready enough to part with me, and demanded a thousand pieces
of gold, which were ordered him on the spot, each piece being the
bigness of eight hundred moidores[53]; but, for the proportion of all
things between that country and Europe, and the high price of gold among
them, was hardly so great a sum as a thousand guineas[54] would be in
England. I then said to the queen, since I was now her majesty's most
humble creature and vassal, I must beg the favor, that Glumdalclitch,
who had always attended me with so much care and kindness, and
understood to do it so well, might be admitted into her service, and
continue to be my nurse and instructor.
Her majesty agreed to my petition, and easily got the farmer's consent,
who was glad enough to have his daughter preferred at court, and the
poor girl herself was not able to hide her joy. My late master withdrew,
bidding me farewell, and saying he had left me in good service, to
which I replied not a word, only making him a slight bow.
[Illustration: "THIS GRACIOUS PRINCESS HELD OUT HER LITTLE FINGER."
P. 32.]
The queen observed my coldness, and, when the farmer was gone out of
the apartment, asked me the reason. I made bold to tell her majesty
that I owed no other obligation to my late master, than his not
dashing out the brains of a poor harmless creature, found by chance in
his field; which obligation was amply recompensed by the gain he had
made in showing me through half the kingdom, and the price he had now
sold me for. That the life I had since led was laborious enough to
kill an animal of ten times my strength. That my health was much
impaired by the continual drudgery of entertaining the rabble every
hour of the day, and that, if my master had not thought my life in
danger, her majesty would not have got so cheap a bargain. But as I
was out of all fear of being ill-treated under the protection of so
great and good an empress, the ornament of nature, the darling of the
world, the delight of her subjects, the phoenix[55] of the creation;
so, I hoped my late master's apprehensions would appear to be
groundless, for I already found my spirits to revive, by the influence
of her most august presence.
This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties and
hesitation; the latter part was altogether framed in the style peculiar
to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from Glumdalclitch, while
she was carrying me to court.
The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in speaking, was,
however, surprised at so much wit and good sense in so diminutive an
animal.
[Illustration: "SHE ... CARRIED ME TO THE KING." P. 36.]
She took me in her own hand, and carried me to the king, who was then
retired to his cabinet.[56] His majesty, a prince of much gravity and
austere countenance, not well observing my shape at first view, asked
the queen, after a cold manner, how long it was since she grew fond of a
_splacnuck_; for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay upon my breast
in her majesty's right hand. But this princess, who hath an infinite
deal of wit and humor, set me gently on my feet upon the scrutoire,[57]
and commanded me to give his majesty an account of myself, which I did
in a very few words; and Glumdalclitch, who attended at the
cabinet-door, and could not endure I should be out of her sight, being
admitted, confirmed all that had passed from my arrival at her father's
house.
The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his dominions,
had been educated in the study of philosophy, and particularly
mathematics; yet, when he observed my shape exactly, and saw me walk
erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might be a piece of
clockwork (which is in that country arrived to a very great perfection)
contrived by some ingenious artist. But when he heard my voice, and
found what I delivered to be regular and rational, he could not conceal
his astonishment. He was by no means satisfied with the relation I gave
him of the manner I came into his kingdom, but thought it a story
concerted between Glumdalclitch and her father, who had taught me a set
of words, to make me sell at a better price. Upon this imagination he
put several other questions to me, and still received rational answers,
no otherwise defective than by a foreign accent, and an imperfect
knowledge in the language, with some rustic phrases, which I had learned
at the farmer's house, and did not suit the polite style of a court.
His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their weekly
waiting[58] according to the custom in that country. These gentlemen,
after they had a while examined my shape with much nicety, were of
different opinions concerning me. They all agreed that I could not be
produced according to the regular laws of nature, because I was not
framed with a capacity of preserving my life, either by swiftness or
climbing of trees, or digging holes in the earth. They observed by my
teeth, which they viewed with great exactness, that I was a carnivorous
animal; yet most quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and field-mice,
with some others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I should be
able to support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other insects,
which they offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that I could
not possibly do. They would not allow me to be a dwarf, because my
littleness was beyond all degrees of comparison; for the queen's
favorite dwarf, the smallest ever known in that kingdom, was nearly
thirty feet high. After much debate, they concluded unanimously that I
was only _relplum scalcath_, which is interpreted literally, _lusus
naturae_;[59] a determination exactly agreeable to the modern philosophy
of Europe: whose professors, disdaining the old evasion of occult
causes, whereby the followers of Aristotle endeavored in vain to
disguise their ignorance, have invented this wonderful solution of all
difficulties, to the unspeakable advancement of human knowledge.
After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or two. I
applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty that I came from a
country which abounded with several millions of both sexes, and of my
own stature; where the animals, trees, and houses were all in
proportion, and where, by consequence, I might be as able to defend
myself, and to find sustenance, as any of his majesty's subjects could
do here; which I took for a full answer to those gentlemen's arguments.
To this they only replied with a smile of contempt, saying, that the
farmer had instructed me very well in my lesson. The king, who had a
much better understanding, dismissing his learned men, sent for the
farmer, who, by good fortune, was not yet gone out of town; having
therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him with me
and the young girl, his majesty began to think that what we had told him
might possibly be true. He desired the queen to order that a particular
care should be taken of me, and was of opinion that Glumdalclitch should
still continue in her office of tending me, because he observed that we
had a great affection for each other. A convenient apartment was
provided for her at court; she had a sort of governess appointed to take
care of her education, a maid to dress her, and two other servants for
menial offices; but the care of me was wholly appropriated to herself.
The queen commanded her own cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might
serve me for a bed-chamber, after the model that Glumdalclitch and I
should agree upon. This man was a most ingenious artist, and, according
to my directions, in three weeks finished to me a wooden chamber of
sixteen feet square and twelve high, with sash-windows, a door, and two
closets, like a London bed-chamber. The board that made the ceiling was
to be lifted up and down by two hinges, to put in a bed ready furnished
by her majesty's upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every day to
air, made it with her own hands, and, letting it down at night, locked
up the roof over me. A nice workman, who was famous for little
curiosities, undertook to make me two chairs, with backs and frames, of
a substance not unlike ivory, and two tables, with a cabinet to put my
things in. The room was quilted on all sides, as well as the floor and
the ceiling, to prevent any accident from the carelessness of those who
carried me, and to break the force of a jolt when I went in a coach. I
desired a lock for my door, to prevent rats and mice from coming in: the
smith, after several attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen
among them; for I have known a larger at the gate of a gentleman's house
in England. I made a shift to keep the key in a pocket of my own,
fearing Glumdalclitch might lose it. The queen likewise ordered the
thinnest silks that could be gotten to make me clothes, not much thicker
than an English blanket, very cumbersome, till I was accustomed to them.
They were after the fashion of the kingdom, partly resembling the
Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a very grave and decent habit.
The queen became so fond of my company that she could not dine without
me. I had a table placed upon the same at which her Majesty ate, just at
her left elbow, and a chair to sit on. Glumdalclitch stood on a stool on
the floor, near my table, to assist and take care of me. I had an entire
set of silver dishes and plates, and other necessaries, which, in
proportion to those of the queen, were not much bigger than what I have
seen in a London toy-shop for the furniture of a baby-house: these my
little nurse kept in her pocket in a silver box, and gave me at meals
as I wanted them, always cleaning them herself. No person dined with the
queen but the two princesses royal the elder sixteen years old, and the
younger at that time thirteen and a month. Her majesty used to put a bit
of meat upon one of my dishes, out of which I carved for myself: and her
diversion was to see me eat in miniature; for the queen (who had,
indeed, but a weak stomach) took up at one mouthful as much as a dozen
English farmers could eat at a meal, which to me was for some time a
very nauseous sight. She would craunch the wing of a lark, bones and
all, between her teeth, although it were nine times as large as that of
a full-grown turkey; and put a bit of bread in her mouth as big as two
twelve-penny loaves. She drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at
a draught. Her knives were twice as long as a scythe, set straight upon
the handle. The spoons, forks, and other instruments, were all in the
same proportion. I remember when Glumdalclitch carried me, out of
curiosity, to see some of the tables at court, where ten or a dozen of
these enormous knives and forks were lifted up together, I thought I had
never till then beheld so terrible a sight.
It is the custom that every Wednesday (which, as I have before observed,
is their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both sexes
dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I was now become
a great favorite; and, at these times, my little chair and table were
placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-cellars. This prince
took a pleasure in conversing with me, inquiring into the manners,
religion, taws, government, and learning of Europe; wherein I gave him
the best account I was able. His apprehension was so clear, and his
judgment so exact, that he made very wise reflections and observations
upon all I said. But I confess that after I had been a little too
copious in talking of my own beloved country, of our trade, and wars by
sea and land, of our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the
prejudices of his education prevailed so far that he could not forbear
taking me up in his right hand, and, stroking me gently with the other,
after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, whether I was a whig or a
tory? Then turning to his first minister, who waited behind him with a
white staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the "Royal Sovereign[60],"
he observed how contemptible a thing was human grandeur, which could be
mimicked by such diminutive insects as I: and yet, says he, I dare
engage these creatures have their titles and distinctions of honor; they
contrive little nests and burrows, that they call houses and cities;
they make a figure in dress and equipage; they love, they fight, they
dispute, they cheat, they betray. And thus he continued on, while my
color came and went several times with indignation, to hear our noble
country, the mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of France, the
arbitress of Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honor, and truth, the
pride and envy of the world, so contemptuously treated.
But, as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature
thoughts, I began to doubt whether I was injured or no. For, after
having been accustomed, several months, to the sight and converse of
this people, and observed every object upon which I cast mine eyes to be
of proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first conceived from
their bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that, if I had then beheld a
company of English lords and ladies in their finery, and birthday
clothes, acting their several parts in the most courtly manner of
strutting and bowing and prating, to say the truth, I should have been
strongly tempted to laugh as much at them as the king and his grandees
did at me. Neither, indeed, could I forbear smiling at myself, when the
queen used to place me upon her hand towards a looking-glass, by which
both our persons appeared before me in full view together; and there
could nothing be more ridiculous than the comparison; so that I really
began to imagine myself dwindled many degrees below my usual size.
Nothing angered and mortified me so much, as the queen's dwarf, who
being of the lowest stature that ever in that country (for I verily
think he was not full thirty feet high) became so insolent at seeing a
creature so much beneath him, that he would always affect to swagger,
and look big, as he passed by me in the queen's ante-chamber, while I
was standing on some table, talking with the lords or ladies of the
court, and he seldom failed of a smart word or two upon my littleness;
against which I could only revenge myself, by calling him brother,
challenging him to wrestle, and such repartees as are usual in the
mouths of court pages. One day, at dinner, this malicious little cub was
so nettled with something I had said to him, that, raising himself upon
the frame of her majesty's chair, he took me up, as I was sitting down,
not thinking any harm; and let me drop into a large silver bowl of
cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell over head and ears,
and, if I had not been a good swimmer, it might have gone very hard with
me; for Glumdalclitch, in that instant, happened to be at the other
end of the room, and the queen was in such a fright, that she wanted
presence of mind to assist me. But my little nurse ran to my relief, and
took me out, after I had swallowed above a quart of cream. I was put to
bed; however, I received no other damage than the loss of a suit of
clothes, which was utterly spoiled. The dwarf was soundly whipped, and,
as a farther punishment, forced to drink up the bowl of cream into which
he had thrown me; neither was he ever restored to favor; for, soon
after, the queen bestowed him on a lady of high quality, so that I saw
him no more, to my very great satisfaction; for I could not tell to what
extremity such a malicious urchin might have carried his resentment.
[Illustration: "I COULD ONLY REVENGE MYSELF BY CALLING HIM BROTHER."
P. 42.]
He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-laughing,
although, at the same time she was heartily vexed, and would have
immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so generous as to
intercede. Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone upon her plate and, after
knocking out the marrow, placed the bone on the dish erect, as it stood
before. The dwarf watching his opportunity, while Glumdalclitch was gone
to the sideboard, mounted upon the stool she stood on to take care of me
at meals, took me up in both hands, and, squeezing my legs together,
wedged them into the marrow-bone above my waist, where I stuck for some
time, and made a very ridiculous figure, I believe it was near a minute
before any one knew what was became of me; for I thought it below me to
cry out. But, as princes seldom get their meat hot, my legs were not
scalded, only my stockings and breeches in a sad condition. The dwarf,
at my entreaty, had no other punishment than a sound whipping.
I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my fearfulness;
and she used to ask me, whether the people of my country were as great
cowards as myself? The occasion was this; the kingdom is much pestered
with flies in summer; and these odious insects, each of them as big as a
Dunstable lark,[61] hardly gave me any rest, while I sat at dinner, with
their continual humming and buzzing about my ears. They would sometimes
alight upon my victuals. Sometimes they would fix upon my nose or
forehead, where they stung me to the quick, and I had much ado to defend
myself against these detestable animals, and could not forbear starting
when they came on my face. It was the common practice of the dwarf, to
catch a number of these insects in his hand, as school-boys do among us,
and let them out suddenly under my nose, on purpose to frighten me, and
divert the queen. My remedy was, to cut them in pieces with my knife, as
they flew in the air, wherein my dexterity was much admired.
[Illustration]
I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in my box upon a
window, as she usually did in fair days, to give me air (for I durst not
venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the window, as we do
with cages in England) after I had lifted up one of my sashes, and sat
down at my table to eat a piece of sweet-cake for my breakfast, above
twenty wasps, allured by the smell, came flying into the room, humming
louder than the drones[62] of as many bag-pipes. Some of them seized my
cake, and carried it piece-meal away; others flew about my head and
face, confounding me with the noise, and putting me in the utmost
terror of their stings. However, I had the courage to rise and draw my
hanger, and attack them in the air. I despatched four of them, but the
rest got away, and I presently shut my window. These creatures were as
large as partridges; I took out their stings, found them an inch and a
half long, and as sharp as needles. I carefully preserved them all, and
having since shown them, with some other curiosities, in several parts
of Europe, upon my return to England, I gave three of them to Gresham
College,[63] and kept the fourth for myself.
[Illustration]
CHAPTER IV.
THE COUNTRY DESCRIBED. A PROPOSAL FOR CORRECTING MODERN MAPS. THE
KING'S PALACE, AND SOME ACCOUNT OF THE METROPOLIS. THE AUTHOR'S WAY
OF TRAVELLING. THE CHIEF TEMPLE DESCRIBED.
I now intend to give the reader a short description of this country, as
far as I travelled in it, which was not above two thousand miles round
Lorbrulgrud, the metropolis. For the queen, whom I always attended,
never went farther when she accompanied the king in his progresses, and
there staid till his majesty returned from viewing his frontiers. The
whole extent of this prince's dominions reacheth about six thousand
miles in length, and from three to five in breadth. From whence I cannot
but conclude, that our geographers of Europe are in a great error, by
supposing nothing but sea between Japan and California; for it was ever
my opinion, that there must be a balance of earth to counterpoise the
great continent of Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their
maps and charts, by joining this vast tract of land to the northwest
parts of America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my assistance.
The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated to the northeast by a ridge of
mountains, thirty miles high, which are altogether impassable, by reason
of the volcanoes upon the tops: neither do the most learned know what
sort of mortals inhabit beyond those mountains, or whether they be
inhabited at all. On the three other sides it is bounded by the ocean.
There is not one sea-port in the whole kingdom, and those parts of the
coasts into which the rivers issue, are so full of pointed rocks, and
the sea generally so rough, that there is no venturing with the smallest
of their boats; so that these people are wholly excluded from any
commerce with the rest of the world.
But the large rivers are full of vessels, and abound with excellent
fish, for they seldom get any from the sea, because the sea-fish are of
the same size with those in Europe, and consequently not worth catching,
whereby it is manifest, that nature, in the production of plants and
animals of so extraordinary a bulk, is wholly confined to this
continent, of which I leave the reasons to be determined by
philosophers. However, now and then, they take a whale, that happens to
be dashed against the rocks, which the common people feed on heartily.
These whales I have known so large, that a man could hardly carry one
upon his shoulders; and sometimes, for curiosity, they are brought in
hampers to Lorbrulgrud: I saw one of them in a dish at the king's table,
which passed for a rarity, but I did not observe he was fond of it; for
I think indeed the bigness disgusted him, although I have seen one
somewhat larger in Greenland.
The country is well inhabited, for it contains fifty-one cities, near a
hundred walled towns, and a great number of villages. To satisfy my
curious reader, it may be sufficient to describe Lorbrulgrud. This city
stands upon almost two equal parts on each side the river that passes
through. It contains above eighty thousand houses, and about six hundred
thousand inhabitants. It is in length three _glomglungs_ (which make
about fifty-four English miles) and two and a half in breadth, as I
measured it myself in the royal map made by the king's order, which was
laid on the ground on purpose for me, and extended a hundred feet: I
paced the diameter and circumference several times barefoot, and,
computing by the scale, measured it pretty exactly.
The king's palace is no regular edifice, but a heap of buildings, about
seven miles round: the chief rooms are generally two hundred and forty
feet high, and broad and long in proportion. A coach was allowed to
Glumdalclitch and me, wherein her governess frequently took her out to
see the town, or go among the shops; and I was always of the party,
carried in my box; although the girl, at my own desire, would often take
me out, and hold me in her hand, that I might more conveniently view the
houses and the people as we passed along the streets, I reckoned our
coach to be about the square of Westminster-hall, but not altogether so
high: however, I cannot be very exact.
Besides the large box in which I was usually carried, the queen ordered
a smaller one to be made for me, of about twelve feet square and ten
high, for the convenience of travelling, because the other was somewhat
too large for Glumdalclitch's lap, and cumbersome in the coach. It was
made by the same artist, whom I directed in the whole contrivance. This
travelling closet was an exact square,[64] with a window in the middle
of three of the squares, and each window was latticed with iron wire on
the outside, to prevent accidents in long journeys. On the fourth side,
which had no window, two strong staples were fixed, through which the
person who carried me, when I had a mind to be on horseback, put a
leathern belt, and buckled it about his waist. This was always the
office of some grave, trusty servant, in whom I could confide, whether I
attended the king and queen in their progresses, or were disposed to see
the gardens, or pay a visit to some great lady or minister of state in
the court; for I soon began to be known and esteemed among the greatest
officers, I suppose more on account of their majesties' favor than any
merit of my own.
In journeys, when I was weary of the coach, a servant on horseback would
buckle on my box, and place it upon a cushion before him; and there I
had a full prospect of the country on three sides from my three windows.
I had in this closet a field-bed, and a hammock hung from the ceiling,
two chairs and a table, neatly screwed to the floor, to prevent being
tossed about by the agitation of the horse or the coach. And having been
long used to sea voyages, those motions, although sometimes very
violent, did not much discompose me.
Whenever I had a mind to see the town, it was always in my travelling
closet, which Glumdalclitch held in her lap, in a kind of open sedan,
after the fashion of the country, borne by four men, and attended by two
others in the queen's livery. The people, who had often heard of me,
were very curious to crowd about the sedan, and the girl was complaisant
enough to make the bearers stop, and to take me in her hand, that I
might be more conveniently seen.
I was very desirous to see the chief temple, and particularly the tower
belonging to it, which is reckoned the highest in the kingdom.
Accordingly, one day my nurse carried me thither, but I must truly say
I came back disappointed; for the height is not above three thousand
feet, reckoning from the ground to the highest pinnacle top; which,
allowing for the difference between the size of those people and us in
Europe, is no great matter for admiration, nor at all equal in
proportion (if I rightly remember) to Salisbury steeple.[65] But, not to
detract from a nation, to which during my life I shall acknowledge
myself extremely obliged, it must be allowed that whatever this famous
tower wants in height is amply made up in beauty and strength. For the
walls are nearly a hundred feet thick, built of hewn stone, whereof each
is about forty feet square, and adorned on all sides with statues of
gods and emperors, cut in marble larger than life, placed in their
several niches. I measured a little finger which had fallen down from
one of these statues, and lay unperceived among some rubbish, and found
it exactly four feet and an inch in length. Glumdalclitch wrapped it up
in her handkerchief and carried it home in her pocket, to keep among
other trinkets, of which the girl was very fond, as children at her age
usually are.
The king's kitchen is indeed a noble building, vaulted at top, and about
six hundred feet high. The great oven is not so wide by ten paces as the
cupola at St. Paul's, for I measured the latter on purpose after my
return. But if I should describe the kitchen-grate, the prodigious pots
and kettles, the joints of meat turning on the spits, with many other
particulars, perhaps I should be hardly believed; at least, a severe
critic would be apt to think I enlarged a little, as travellers are
often suspected to do. To avoid which censure, I fear I have run too
much into the other extreme; and that if this treatise should happen to
be translated into the language of Brobdingnag (which is the general
name of that kingdom) and transmitted thither, the king and his people
would have reason to complain that I had done them an injury, by a false
and diminutive representation.
His majesty seldom keeps above six hundred horses in his stables: they
are generally from fifty-four to sixty feet high. But when he goes
abroad on solemn days, he is attended for state by a militia guard of
five hundred horse, which indeed I thought was the most splendid sight
that could be ever beheld, till I saw part of his army in battalia,[66]
whereof I shall find another occasion to speak.
[Illustration]
CHAPTER V.
SEVERAL ADVENTURES THAT HAPPENED TO THE AUTHOR. THE AUTHOR SHOWS
HIS SKILL IN NAVIGATION.
I should have lived happily enough in that country, if my littleness had
not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome accidents, some of
which I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch often carried me into the
gardens of the court in my smaller box, and would sometimes take me out
of it, and hold me in her hand, or set me down to walk. I remember,
before the dwarf left the queen, he followed us one day into those
gardens, and my nurse having set me down, he and I being close together,
near some dwarf apple-trees, I must needs show my wit by a silly
allusion between him and the trees, which happens to hold in their
language, as it doth in ours. Whereupon the malicious rogue, watching
his opportunity, when I was walking under one of them, shook it directly
over my head; by which a dozen apples, each of them near as large as a
Bristol barrel, came tumbling about my ears; one of them hit me on the
back as I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on my face; but I
received no other hurt; and the dwarf was pardoned at my desire, because
I had given the provocation.
[Illustration]
Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to divert
myself, while she walked at some distance with her governess. In the
meantime there suddenly fell such a violent shower of hail, that I was
immediately, by the force of it, struck to the ground; and when I was
down, the hail stones gave me such cruel bangs all over the body as if I
had been pelted with tennis-balls, however, I made a shift to creep on
all fours, and shelter myself by lying flat on my face on the lee-side
of a border of lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to foot that I
could not go abroad in ten days. Neither is this at all to be wondered
at, because nature, in that country, observing the same proportion
through all her operations, a hail-stone is near eighteen hundred times
as large as one in Europe, which I can assert upon experience, having
been so curious to weigh and measure them.
But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same garden, when my
little nurse, believing she had put me in a secure place, which I often
entreated her to do, that I might enjoy my own thoughts, and having left
my box at home, to avoid the trouble of carrying it, went to another
part of the garden with governess and some ladies of her acquaintance,
she was absent and out of hearing, a small white belonging to one of the
chief gardeners, having got by accident into the garden, happened to
place where I lay: the dog, following the scent, came directly up, and
taking me in his mouth, ran straight to his master, wagging his tail,
and set me gently on the ground. By good fortune, he had been so well
taught, that I was carried between his teeth without the least hurt, or
even tearing my clothes. But the poor gardener, who knew me well, and
had a great kindness for me, was in a terrible fright: he gently took me
up in both his hands, and asked me how I did; but I was so amazed and
out of breath, that I could not speak a word. In a few minutes I came to
myself, and he carried me safe to my little nurse, who by this time had
returned to the place where she left me, and was in cruel agonies when I
did not appear nor answer when she called. She severely reprimanded the
gardener on account of his dog, but the thing was bushed up and never
known at court; for the girl was afraid of the queen's anger, and truly,
as to myself, I thought it would not be for my reputation that such a
story should go about.
This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust me
abroad for the future out of her sight. I had been long afraid of this
resolution, and therefore concealed from her some little unlucky
adventures that happened in those times when I was left by myself. Once
a kite, hovering over the garden, made a stoop at me; and if I had not
resolutely drawn my hanger, and run under a thick espalier,[67] he would
have certainly carried me away in his talons. Another time, walking to
the top of a fresh mole-hill, I fell to my neck in the hole through
which that animal had cast up the earth. I likewise broke my right shin
against the shell of a snail, which I happened to stumble over as I was
walking alone and thinking on poor England.
I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to observe in
those solitary walks that the smaller birds did not appear to be at all
afraid of me, but would hop about within a yard's distance, looking for
worms and other food, with as much indifference and security as if no
creature at all were near them. I remember a thrush had the confidence
to snatch out of my hand with his bill a piece of cake that
Glumdalclitch had just given me for my breakfast.
When I attempted to catch any of these birds they would boldly turn
against me, endeavoring to pick my fingers, which I durst not venture
within their reach; and then they would hop back unconcerned to hunt for
worms and snails as they did before. But one day I took a thick cudgel,
and threw it with all my strength so luckily at a linnet that I knocked
him down, and seizing him by the neck with both my hands ran with him in
triumph to my nurse. However, the bird, who had only been stunned,
recovering himself, gave me so many boxes with his wings on both sides
of my head and body, though I held him at arm's length and was out of
the reach of his claws, that I was twenty times thinking of letting him
go. But I was soon relieved by one of our servants, who wrung off the
bird's neck, and I had him next day for dinner by the queen's command.
This linnet, as near as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat larger
than an English swan.
The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages, and took
all occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked me, whether I
understood how to handle a sail or an oar, and whether a little exercise
of rowing might not be convenient for my health. I answered, that I
understood both very well; for, although nay proper employment had been
to be surgeon or doctor to the ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I was
forced to work like a common mariner. But I could not see how this could
be done in their country, where the smallest wherry was equal to a
first-rate man-of-war among us, and such a boat as I could manage would
never live in any of their rivers.
[Illustration: "THE SMALLER BIRDS DID NOT APPEAR TO BE AT ALL AFRAID OF
ME." P. 57.]
Her majesty said, if I could contrive a boat, her own joiner should make
it, and she would provide a place for me to sail in. The fellow was an
ingenious workman, and, by my instructions, in ten days finished a
pleasure-boat, with all its tackling, able conveniently to hold eight
Europeans. When it was finished, the queen was so delighted that she
ran with it in her lap to the king, who ordered it to be put in a
cistern full of water, with me in it, by way of trial; where I could not
manage my two sculls,[68] or little oars, for want of room.
But the queen had before contrived another project. She ordered the
joiner to make a wooden trough of three hundred feet long, fifty broad,
and eight deep; which, being well pitched, to prevent leaking, was
placed on the floor along the wall in an outer room of the palace. It
had a cock near the bottom to let out the water, when it began to grow
stale; and two servants could easily fill it in half-an-hour. Here I
often used to row for my own diversion, as well as that of the queen and
her ladies, who thought themselves well entertained with my skill and
agility. Sometimes I would put up my sail, and then my business was only
to steer, while the ladies gave me a gale with their fans; and when they
were weary, some of their pages would blow my sail forward with their
breath, while I showed my art by steering starboard[69] or larboard, as
I pleased. When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried back my boat,
into her closet, and hung it oh a nail to dry.
In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to have cost me
my life; for one of the pages having put my boat into the trough, the
governess, who attended Glumdalclitch, very officiously lifted me up to
place me in the boat, but I happened to slip through her fingers, and
should infallibly have fallen down forty feet upon the floor, if, by the
luckiest chance in the world, I had not been stopped by a
corking-pin[70] that stuck in the good gentlewoman's stomacher;[71] the
head of the pin passed between my shirt and the waistband of my
breeches, and thus I held by the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch
ran to my relief.
[Illustration: "GAVE ME A GALE WITH THEIR FANS." P. 60.]
Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill my trough
every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let a huge frog
(not perceiving it) slip out of his pail. The frog lay concealed till I
was put into my boat, but then seeing a resting-place, climbed up, and
made it lean so much on one side that I was forced to balance it with
all my weight on the other to prevent overturning. When the frog was got
in, it hopped at once half the length of the boat, and then over my head
backwards and forwards. The largeness of its features made it appear the
most deformed animal that can be conceived. However, I desired
Glumdalclitch to let me deal with it alone. I banged it a good while
with one of my sculls, and at last forced it to leap out of the boat.
But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom was from a
monkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen. Glumdalclitch
had locked the up in her closet, while she went somewhere upon business
or a visit. The weather being very warm the closet window was left open,
as well as the windows and the door of my bigger box, in which I usually
lived, because of its largeness and conveniency. As I sat quietly
meditating at my table, I heard something bounce in at the closet
window, and skip about from one side to the other; whereat, although I
was much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not stirring from my
seat; and then I saw this frolicsome animal frisking and leaping up and
down, till at last he came to my box, which he seemed to view with
great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the door and every window.
[Illustration]
I retreated to the farther corner of my room or box; but the monkey
looking in at every side, put me into such a fright that I wanted
presence of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I might easily have
done. After some time spent in peeping, grinning, and chattering, he at
last espied me, and reaching one of his paws in at the door, as a cat
does when she plays with a mouse, although I often shifted place to
avoid him, he at length seized the lappet of my coat (which, being made
of that country silk, was very thick and strong), and dragged me out. He
took me out in his right fore-foot, and held me as a nurse does a child,
just as I have seen the same sort of creature do with a kitten in
Europe: and, when I offered to struggle, he squeezed me so hard that I
thought it more prudent to submit. I have good reason to believe that he
took me for a young one of his own species, by his often stroking my
face very gently with his other paw.
In these diversions he was interrupted by a noise at the closet door, as
if somebody were opening it; whereupon he suddenly leaped up to the
window, at which he had come in, and thence upon the leads and gutters
walking upon three legs, and holding me in the fourth, till he clambered
up to a roof that was next to ours. I heard Glumdalclitch give a shriek
at the moment he was carrying me out. The poor girl was almost
distracted. That quarter of the palace was all in an uproar; the
servants ran for ladders; the monkey was seen by hundreds in the court,
sitting upon the ridge of a building, holding me like a baby in one of
his fore-paws: whereat many of the rabble below could not forbear
laughing; neither do I think they justly ought to be blamed, for without
question, the sight was ridiculous enough to everybody but myself. Some
of the people threw up stones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this
was strictly forbidden, or else very probably my brains had been dashed
out.
The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men, which the
monkey observing, and finding himself almost encompassed, not being able
to make speed enough with his three legs, let me drop on a ridge tile,
and made his escape. Here I sat for some time, five hundred yards from
the ground, expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to
fall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the ridge
to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse's footmen, climbed up,
and putting me into his breeches-pocket, brought me down safe.
I was so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given me by
this odious animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight. The
king, queen, and all the court, sent every day to inquire after my
health, and her majesty made me several visits during my sickness. The
monkey was killed, and an order made that no such animal should be kept
about the palace.
When I attended the king, after my recovery, to return him thanks for
his favors, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this adventure.
He asked me what my thoughts and speculations were while I lay in the
monkey's paw. He desired to know what I would have done upon such an
occasion in my own country. I told his majesty that in Europe we had no
monkeys, except such as were brought for curiosities from other places,
and so small, that I could deal with a dozen of them together if they
presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was
so lately engaged (it was, indeed, as large as an elephant) if my fears
had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my hanger (looking
fiercely, and clapping my hand upon the hilt, as I spoke) when he poked
his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound as
would have made him glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put it
in. This I delivered in a firm tone, like a person who was jealous lest
his courage should be called in question.
However, my speech produced nothing else besides a loud laughter, which
all the respect due to his majesty from those about him could not make
them contain. This made me reflect how vain an attempt it is for a man
to endeavor to do himself honor among those who are out of all degree of
equality or comparison with him. And yet I have seen the moral of my own
behavior very frequent in England since my return, where a little
contemptible varlet,[72] without the least title to birth, person, wit,
or common-sense, shall presume to look with importance, and put himself
upon a foot with the greatest persons of the kingdom.
I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story; and
Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch enough to
inform the queen whenever I committed any folly that she thought would
be diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had been out of order, was
carried by her governess to take the air about an hour's distance, or
thirty miles from town. They alighted out of the coach near a small
footpath in a field, and, Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling-box,
I went out of it to walk. There was a pool of mud in the path, and I
must needs try my activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run,
but unfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle up
to my knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of the
footmen wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief, for I was
filthily bemired; and my nurse confined me to my box till we returned
home, when the queen was soon informed of what had passed, and the
footman spread it about the court; so that all the mirth for some days
was at my expense.
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