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Robinson Crusoe

Daniel Defoe

Section 13 of 41 - Table of Contents
CHAPTER VI - ILL AND CONSCIENCE-STRICKEN



WHEN I came down to the ship I found it strangely removed.  The
forecastle, which lay before buried in sand, was heaved up at least
six feet, and the stern, which was broke in pieces and parted from
the rest by the force of the sea, soon after I had left rummaging
her, was tossed as it were up, and cast on one side; and the sand
was thrown so high on that side next her stern, that whereas there
was a great place of water before, so that I could not come within
a quarter of a mile of the wreck without swimming I could now walk
quite up to her when the tide was out.  I was surprised with this
at first, but soon concluded it must be done by the earthquake; and
as by this violence the ship was more broke open than formerly, so
many things came daily on shore, which the sea had loosened, and
which the winds and water rolled by degrees to the land.

This wholly diverted my thoughts from the design of removing my
habitation, and I busied myself mightily, that day especially, in
searching whether I could make any way into the ship; but I found
nothing was to be expected of that kind, for all the inside of the
ship was choked up with sand.  However, as I had learned not to
despair of anything, I resolved to pull everything to pieces that I
could of the ship, concluding that everything I could get from her
would be of some use or other to me.

MAY 3. - I began with my saw, and cut a piece of a beam through,
which I thought held some of the upper part or quarter-deck
together, and when I had cut it through, I cleared away the sand as
well as I could from the side which lay highest; but the tide
coming in, I was obliged to give over for that time.

MAY 4. - I went a-fishing, but caught not one fish that I durst eat
of, till I was weary of my sport; when, just going to leave off, I
caught a young dolphin.  I had made me a long line of some rope-
yarn, but I had no hooks; yet I frequently caught fish enough, as
much as I cared to eat; all which I dried in the sun, and ate them
dry.

MAY 5. - Worked on the wreck; cut another beam asunder, and brought
three great fir planks off from the decks, which I tied together,
and made to float on shore when the tide of flood came on.

MAY 6. - Worked on the wreck; got several iron bolts out of her and
other pieces of ironwork.  Worked very hard, and came home very
much tired, and had thoughts of giving it over.

MAY 7. - Went to the wreck again, not with an intent to work, but
found the weight of the wreck had broke itself down, the beams
being cut; that several pieces of the ship seemed to lie loose, and
the inside of the hold lay so open that I could see into it; but it
was almost full of water and sand.

MAY 8. - Went to the wreck, and carried an iron crow to wrench up
the deck, which lay now quite clear of the water or sand.  I
wrenched open two planks, and brought them on shore also with the
tide.  I left the iron crow in the wreck for next day.

MAY 9. - Went to the wreck, and with the crow made way into the
body of the wreck, and felt several casks, and loosened them with
the crow, but could not break them up.  I felt also a roll of
English lead, and could stir it, but it was too heavy to remove.

MAY 10-14. - Went every day to the wreck; and got a great many
pieces of timber, and boards, or plank, and two or three
hundredweight of iron.

MAY 15. - I carried two hatchets, to try if I could not cut a piece
off the roll of lead by placing the edge of one hatchet and driving
it with the other; but as it lay about a foot and a half in the
water, I could not make any blow to drive the hatchet.

MAY 16. - It had blown hard in the night, and the wreck appeared
more broken by the force of the water; but I stayed so long in the
woods, to get pigeons for food, that the tide prevented my going to
the wreck that day.

MAY 17. - I saw some pieces of the wreck blown on shore, at a great
distance, near two miles off me, but resolved to see what they
were, and found it was a piece of the head, but too heavy for me to
bring away.

MAY 24. - Every day, to this day, I worked on the wreck; and with
hard labour I loosened some things so much with the crow, that the
first flowing tide several casks floated out, and two of the
seamen's chests; but the wind blowing from the shore, nothing came
to land that day but pieces of timber, and a hogshead, which had
some Brazil pork in it; but the salt water and the sand had spoiled
it.  I continued this work every day to the 15th of June, except
the time necessary to get food, which I always appointed, during
this part of my employment, to be when the tide was up, that I
might be ready when it was ebbed out; and by this time I had got
timber and plank and ironwork enough to have built a good boat, if
I had known how; and also I got, at several times and in several
pieces, near one hundredweight of the sheet lead.

JUNE 16. - Going down to the seaside, I found a large tortoise or
turtle.  This was the first I had seen, which, it seems, was only
my misfortune, not any defect of the place, or scarcity; for had I
happened to be on the other side of the island, I might have had
hundreds of them every day, as I found afterwards; but perhaps had
paid dear enough for them.

JUNE 17. - I spent in cooking the turtle.  I found in her three-
score eggs; and her flesh was to me, at that time, the most savoury
and pleasant that ever I tasted in my life, having had no flesh,
but of goats and fowls, since I landed in this horrid place.

JUNE 18. - Rained all day, and I stayed within.  I thought at this
time the rain felt cold, and I was something chilly; which I knew
was not usual in that latitude.

JUNE 19. - Very ill, and shivering, as if the weather had been
cold.

JUNE 20. - No rest all night; violent pains in my head, and
feverish.

JUNE 21. - Very ill; frighted almost to death with the
apprehensions of my sad condition - to be sick, and no help.
Prayed to God, for the first time since the storm off Hull, but
scarce knew what I said, or why, my thoughts being all confused.

JUNE 22. - A little better; but under dreadful apprehensions of
sickness.

JUNE 22. - Very bad again; cold and shivering, and then a violent
headache.

JUNE 24. - Much better.

JUNE 25. - An ague very violent; the fit held me seven hours; cold
fit and hot, with faint sweats after it.

JUNE 26. - Better; and having no victuals to eat, took my gun, but
found myself very weak.  However, I killed a she-goat, and with
much difficulty got it home, and broiled some of it, and ate, I
would fain have stewed it, and made some broth, but had no pot.

JUNE 27. - The ague again so violent that I lay a-bed all day, and
neither ate nor drank.  I was ready to perish for thirst; but so
weak, I had not strength to stand up, or to get myself any water to
drink.  Prayed to God again, but was light-headed; and when I was
not, I was so ignorant that I knew not what to say; only I lay and
cried, "Lord, look upon me!  Lord, pity me!  Lord, have mercy upon
me!"  I suppose I did nothing else for two or three hours; till,
the fit wearing off, I fell asleep, and did not wake till far in
the night.  When I awoke, I found myself much refreshed, but weak,
and exceeding thirsty.  However, as I had no water in my
habitation, I was forced to lie till morning, and went to sleep
again.  In this second sleep I had this terrible dream: I thought
that I was sitting on the ground, on the outside of my wall, where
I sat when the storm blew after the earthquake, and that I saw a
man descend from a great black cloud, in a bright flame of fire,
and light upon the ground.  He was all over as bright as a flame,
so that I could but just bear to look towards him; his countenance
was most inexpressibly dreadful, impossible for words to describe.
When he stepped upon the ground with his feet, I thought the earth
trembled, just as it had done before in the earthquake, and all the
air looked, to my apprehension, as if it had been filled with
flashes of fire.  He was no sooner landed upon the earth, but he
moved forward towards me, with a long spear or weapon in his hand,
to kill me; and when he came to a rising ground, at some distance,
he spoke to me - or I heard a voice so terrible that it is
impossible to express the terror of it.  All that I can say I
understood was this: "Seeing all these things have not brought thee
to repentance, now thou shalt die;" at which words, I thought he
lifted up the spear that was in his hand to kill me.

No one that shall ever read this account will expect that I should
be able to describe the horrors of my soul at this terrible vision.
I mean, that even while it was a dream, I even dreamed of those
horrors.  Nor is it any more possible to describe the impression
that remained upon my mind when I awaked, and found it was but a
dream.

I had, alas! no divine knowledge.  What I had received by the good
instruction of my father was then worn out by an uninterrupted
series, for eight years, of seafaring wickedness, and a constant
conversation with none but such as were, like myself, wicked and
profane to the last degree.  I do not remember that I had, in all
that time, one thought that so much as tended either to looking
upwards towards God, or inwards towards a reflection upon my own
ways; but a certain stupidity of soul, without desire of good, or
conscience of evil, had entirely overwhelmed me; and I was all that
the most hardened, unthinking, wicked creature among our common
sailors can be supposed to be; not having the least sense, either
of the fear of God in danger, or of thankfulness to God in
deliverance.

In the relating what is already past of my story, this will be the
more easily believed when I shall add, that through all the variety
of miseries that had to this day befallen me, I never had so much
as one thought of it being the hand of God, or that it was a just
punishment for my sin - my rebellious behaviour against my father -
or my present sins, which were great - or so much as a punishment
for the general course of my wicked life.  When I was on the
desperate expedition on the desert shores of Africa, I never had so
much as one thought of what would become of me, or one wish to God
to direct me whither I should go, or to keep me from the danger
which apparently surrounded me, as well from voracious creatures as
cruel savages.  But I was merely thoughtless of a God or a
Providence, acted like a mere brute, from the principles of nature,
and by the dictates of common sense only, and, indeed, hardly that.
When I was delivered and taken up at sea by the Portugal captain,
well used, and dealt justly and honourably with, as well as
charitably, I had not the least thankfulness in my thoughts.  When,
again, I was shipwrecked, ruined, and in danger of drowning on this
island, I was as far from remorse, or looking on it as a judgment.
I only said to myself often, that I was an unfortunate dog, and
born to be always miserable.

It is true, when I got on shore first here, and found all my ship's
crew drowned and myself spared, I was surprised with a kind of
ecstasy, and some transports of soul, which, had the grace of God
assisted, might have come up to true thankfulness; but it ended
where it began, in a mere common flight of joy, or, as I may say,
being glad I was alive, without the least reflection upon the
distinguished goodness of the hand which had preserved me, and had
singled me out to be preserved when all the rest were destroyed, or
an inquiry why Providence had been thus merciful unto me.  Even
just the same common sort of joy which seamen generally have, after
they are got safe ashore from a shipwreck, which they drown all in
the next bowl of punch, and forget almost as soon as it is over;
and all the rest of my life was like it.  Even when I was
afterwards, on due consideration, made sensible of my condition,
how I was cast on this dreadful place, out of the reach of human
kind, out of all hope of relief, or prospect of redemption, as soon
as I saw but a prospect of living and that I should not starve and
perish for hunger, all the sense of my affliction wore off; and I
began to be very easy, applied myself to the works proper for my
preservation and supply, and was far enough from being afflicted at
my condition, as a judgment from heaven, or as the hand of God
against me: these were thoughts which very seldom entered my head.

The growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my Journal, had at
first some little influence upon me, and began to affect me with
seriousness, as long as I thought it had something miraculous in
it; but as soon as ever that part of the thought was removed, all
the impression that was raised from it wore off also, as I have
noted already.  Even the earthquake, though nothing could be more
terrible in its nature, or more immediately directing to the
invisible Power which alone directs such things, yet no sooner was
the first fright over, but the impression it had made went off
also.  I had no more sense of God or His judgments - much less of
the present affliction of my circumstances being from His hand -
than if I had been in the most prosperous condition of life.  But
now, when I began to be sick, and a leisurely view of the miseries
of death came to place itself before me; when my spirits began to
sink under the burden of a strong distemper, and nature was
exhausted with the violence of the fever; conscience, that had
slept so long, began to awake, and I began to reproach myself with
my past life, in which I had so evidently, by uncommon wickedness,
provoked the justice of God to lay me under uncommon strokes, and
to deal with me in so vindictive a manner.  These reflections
oppressed me for the second or third day of my distemper; and in
the violence, as well of the fever as of the dreadful reproaches of
my conscience, extorted some words from me like praying to God,
though I cannot say they were either a prayer attended with desires
or with hopes: it was rather the voice of mere fright and distress.
My thoughts were confused, the convictions great upon my mind, and
the horror of dying in such a miserable condition raised vapours
into my head with the mere apprehensions; and in these hurries of
my soul I knew not what my tongue might express.  But it was rather
exclamation, such as, "Lord, what a miserable creature am I!  If I
should be sick, I shall certainly die for want of help; and what
will become of me!"  Then the tears burst out of my eyes, and I
could say no more for a good while.  In this interval the good
advice of my father came to my mind, and presently his prediction,
which I mentioned at the beginning of this story - viz. that if I
did take this foolish step, God would not bless me, and I would
have leisure hereafter to reflect upon having neglected his counsel
when there might be none to assist in my recovery.  "Now," said I,
aloud, "my dear father's words are come to pass; God's justice has
overtaken me, and I have none to help or hear me.  I rejected the
voice of Providence, which had mercifully put me in a posture or
station of life wherein I might have been happy and easy; but I
would neither see it myself nor learn to know the blessing of it
from my parents.  I left them to mourn over my folly, and now I am
left to mourn under the consequences of it.  I abused their help
and assistance, who would have lifted me in the world, and would
have made everything easy to me; and now I have difficulties to
struggle with, too great for even nature itself to support, and no
assistance, no help, no comfort, no advice."  Then I cried out,
"Lord, be my help, for I am in great distress."  This was the first
prayer, if I may call it so, that I had made for many years.
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