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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: My husband and I recently separated after 20 years of
marriage. I love him, but not like a husband. However, we've always
been there for each other when it really mattered and have decided
divorce is the only way to save our friendship. We're working hard to
make sure our teenage boys still feel we are a family and know we both
love them.
The kids and I finally moved out of my husband's home and into our own apartment. Now that I'm gone, he has suddenly decided we are making a mistake and wants to work things out. While I don't rule out reconciliation, I believe our problems are serious. Ongoing counseling and hard work could help with most, but there are two I don't think we can fix.
The first is that we bring each other down. He sucks the life out of me, and I imagine I do the same to him. The other thing is our sex life. I've tried explaining what I like, but nothing helps. It's just awful. I'm 43 and would like to think a satisfying sex life is not asking too much. I've cheated on him in the past and now wonder if an "open" marriage would help us. I think I would enjoy staying married if I weren't obligated to have sex with him.
I'm currently seeing a guy who seems perfect. We laugh and have fun. The sex is fantastic. But will he ever want to install a chain lock on my door to keep me safe? Will he check the air pressure in my tires before a trip? Will he invite my mom to dinner even if we are mad at each other?
My husband is a good man. Is that enough? Is the secret to a happy life settling for what you've got? -- Struggling
Dear Struggling: It's a matter of setting priorities so you get what is most important to you and can live with the rest. For you, sex is a priority, so the marriage isn't working. A good sex therapist (aasect.org) can help with that. Of course, in 10 years, you may decide sex is less important and be sorry you left. The bigger problem is that the two of you "suck the life out" of each other. That's a sad way to live. If you cannot find a way to enjoy the aspects of his personality that you do appreciate, there isn't much hope.
Dear Annie: I am writing on behalf of pregnant women everywhere. Yesterday, as I was walking up the stairs at work, a co-worker shouted, "Here comes fattie!"
I am seven months' pregnant, and while I have a sizeable belly, I would not call myself "fat." People have also told me that my doctor must have the wrong due date, and that I'm never going to make it the full nine months.
Annie, my doctor says I am exactly on track. Please tell those well-meaning people that their comments are not appreciated by pregnant women, who are often tired, achy, swollen and full of hormones. Here's my advice: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. -- Frustrated in Mississippi
Dear Mississippi: Good advice for all circumstances. Some people see a pregnant woman and their brains fly right out their ears. Congratulations to you.
Dear Annie: This is for "Angry in Vermont," whose 88-year-old mother is dying and her insurance carrier wants her to pay out of pocket for a nurse to come to the house for the first 30 days.
Tell the daughter to contact her local not-for-profit hospice. They perform palliative care for the patient and offer help for the family. They treat patients and their families with dignity, love and caring. Our hospice in Hendersonville, N.C., won an award for being the best in the country. And by the way, it is free. -- L.B.
Dear L.B.: Many readers suggested hospice, an excellent resource for end-of-life care. Contact the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (nhpco.org) at 1-800-658-8898.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 11/01/2009
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Posted Comments:
11-02-2009 20:17
leni wrote:
pregnant
Good grief, a bit over sensitive? People are reaching for some comment, granted what they're saying is kind of lame but I didn't read anything THAT offensive. I've got news for her, if she's 7 months pregnant and is NOT fat she should discuss this with her OB. She's got a baby in her belly, of course she's fat.If she doesn't watch it people will be commenting on her hormonal mood swings and not her pregnant belly.
11-01-2009 22:18
Mia wrote:
to stay married or not
I have one thing to add to Eden and TychaBrahe's comment:
Buy a gun and learn how to use it.
Buy a gun and learn how to use it.
11-01-2009 11:05
TychaBrahe wrote:
@East of Eden
I don't need a man to install a chain lock. If I couldn't do it myself, I could hire someone. I want someone to care enough about me to worry about me and to want to install the chain lock for my protection. See?
11-01-2009 08:28
PA Transplant wrote:
Hospice
My dad was in hospice (in Florida) and received wonderful care. I would recommend them to anyone dealing with the imminent death of a loved one.
11-01-2009 06:16
East of Eden wrote:
Struggling
First of all, you don't need a husband to install a chain lock or check your tire pressure. In case you didn't already know, women are not helpless and are fully capable of doing anything we men can do so please do not look at us as built-in tradesmen. Sex life - well that is a serious concern so don't bring irrelevant things like handyman chores into the mix.
If you and your ex get along as friends, keep it that way. You've committed adultery in the past and you will probably do it in the future - it doesn't seem to bother you at all. Why your ex wants to reconcile is beyond me because adultery is, IMHO, a deal-breaker. As for sucking the life out of each other - that's also a deal-breaker. Couples are supposed to enhance each others' lives, not suck the life out of them.
If things are great with the new guy, go with it. And stop worrying about the old traditional men's and women's work - that no longer applies. Besides, chain locks are useless when it comes to preventing a burglary or worse. Go for a reinforced door and frame with a dead bolt lock - installed by a professional.
If you and your ex get along as friends, keep it that way. You've committed adultery in the past and you will probably do it in the future - it doesn't seem to bother you at all. Why your ex wants to reconcile is beyond me because adultery is, IMHO, a deal-breaker. As for sucking the life out of each other - that's also a deal-breaker. Couples are supposed to enhance each others' lives, not suck the life out of them.
If things are great with the new guy, go with it. And stop worrying about the old traditional men's and women's work - that no longer applies. Besides, chain locks are useless when it comes to preventing a burglary or worse. Go for a reinforced door and frame with a dead bolt lock - installed by a professional.
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