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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I am one of 12 siblings. My younger brother, "Dan," age
42, met "Karen," one of my daughter's friends, at her college
graduation ceremony. He later married her. Since then, the two of them
have tried to redefine their relationship with my daughter to suit
their own needs.
Dan demands that my daughter not call him "uncle." My guess is he thinks it will make Karen's friends accept him as a peer. This causes my daughter conflict and pain. Karen excludes my daughter from their family-hosted functions, yet talks in detail about these events when my daughter and her friends have their girls' night out.
My brothers support Dan's position. Now I hear that Karen badmouths my daughter to my sisters-in-law and is revealing personal problems about those same sisters-in-law to work mates. This situation is deteriorating quickly. How can I best help my daughter? -- Mississippi
Dear Mississippi: Like it or not, Dan is entitled to be addressed however he wishes. If he doesn't want your daughter to call him "uncle," she should respect that. If he wants to be treated as Karen's husband rather than your brother, encourage her to make an effort to do so in order to salvage a relationship with both of them. Dan is never going to be the person you want him to be, and the reasons behind his foolish behavior are irrelevant. The best way to help your daughter is to teach her to tolerate loved ones whose behavior they cannot change. (On the other hand, Karen's big mouth will soon make her unwelcome everywhere.)
Dear Annie: I'm getting married next year and don't know who to choose as my bridesmaids. I have three friends, one of whom I've known for more than 10 years. I have not spoken to the other two in months. They don't even know I'm engaged. I have put a lot of distance between us for a few reasons. One of the women is extremely obese, and I've exhausted myself trying to help her lose weight, but she refuses to work on it.
Both women are immature, still live at home, have no desire to grow as adults and are loud and obnoxious in public. I'm afraid if I invite them to be in the wedding party, they will embarrass themselves, my family and my fiance's family. But I also worry that if I tell them I'm engaged, they will assume I'm asking them to be bridesmaids.
So, Annie, when should I tell them about my engagement? Should I simply invite them as guests and deal with hurt feelings later, or be totally upfront with them and risk losing an already distant relationship? -- A Worried Bride
Dear Bride: It may come as a surprise to you, but these friendships are already over. You don't keep in touch with these two women, you don't actually like them, and your dismissal of someone because of her weight does not say anything nice about you. Since you haven't been speaking to them, there is no reason to call about your engagement unless you wish to invite them to an engagement party.
Dear Annie: "Sad Mom" is concerned about her daughter being infected with herpes. I, too, contracted herpes when I was only 20, and was devastated and fearful of never having a loving relationship. That was 25 years ago.
I had numerous boyfriends and now have an amazing husband with whom I was completely honest before engaging in a physical relationship. Never was I rejected, and these men were nothing but wonderful, understanding and supportive. I have always been very careful and thankfully never spread the disease. Today's prescription medications help keep herpes in check. Please tell "Sad Mother" not to worry. A good man will be there for her daughter. Education is the key. -- No Worries
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/23/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-24-2009 09:33
Lorrainepttsfld wrote:
A Worried Bride
A rose by any other name would still be a rose
What a rotten person you are. Why does this woman need to lose weight to attend your wedding? When she gets married do you think she'll expect you to take friendship classes? How to be nice classes? How to stop being mean classes? How to stop being selfish classes? Etiquette Classes? Classes on how to be a woman and not a snob? Classes on how to learn everyone is different and yet everyone is the same? How people other than you have feelings classes. I can go on and on. You are a horrible person and I hope this man finds this out before he marries you. You are mean, rotten, horrible, self-centered, cruel, abusive and nasty.
What a rotten person you are. Why does this woman need to lose weight to attend your wedding? When she gets married do you think she'll expect you to take friendship classes? How to be nice classes? How to stop being mean classes? How to stop being selfish classes? Etiquette Classes? Classes on how to be a woman and not a snob? Classes on how to learn everyone is different and yet everyone is the same? How people other than you have feelings classes. I can go on and on. You are a horrible person and I hope this man finds this out before he marries you. You are mean, rotten, horrible, self-centered, cruel, abusive and nasty.
10-23-2009 12:35
PA Transplant wrote:
Maryanne
scrappy indiana
There's and old saying 'A rose by any other name... I can't remember the name she used to use but I got half way thru the comment and just quit reading. It's sad to be that miserable, unhappy and so full of hate.
There's and old saying 'A rose by any other name... I can't remember the name she used to use but I got half way thru the comment and just quit reading. It's sad to be that miserable, unhappy and so full of hate.
10-23-2009 12:24
East of Eden wrote:
Bride
Okay, she has 3 friends, two of whom she disparages. I'd say that the bride is not a friend but rather a hanger-on - no true friend would be that critical and disparaging. She has not seen these two friends in months - I'll bet it is THEY who are avoiding her. Let's face it, this bride is a snot-nosed little you-know-what.
I pity her poor husband to-be. He's in for quite a time with that little you-know-what.
I pity her poor husband to-be. He's in for quite a time with that little you-know-what.
10-23-2009 11:53
Shana wrote:
To Greens
Her introduction of weight as one of the reasons for not wanting to include one of the women, along with her disparaging descriptions of both of the women she does not want as bridesmaids and her apparent assumption that two women to whom she has not spoken in months would want, even expect, to be in the wedding add up to an impression of shocking self-absorbtion.
Because she does mention that the one friendship is of long standing, I have to assume that the other two do not have a very long history.
A bride asks her friends to stand up with her and she clearly does not regard these two women in affectionate terms. Simply continuing to stay out of touch would be the best option here... if they really are that obnoxious and immature, they won't be good guests, either and, whether or not she chooses to invite them as guests, it would be unthinkable for her to get in touch after distancing herself from them to say "Hey, I'm getting married and you won't be in the wedding party because you are just not up to snuff." ... and it is the fact of that unthinkably cruel option even being on the table that set me off.
Because she does mention that the one friendship is of long standing, I have to assume that the other two do not have a very long history.
A bride asks her friends to stand up with her and she clearly does not regard these two women in affectionate terms. Simply continuing to stay out of touch would be the best option here... if they really are that obnoxious and immature, they won't be good guests, either and, whether or not she chooses to invite them as guests, it would be unthinkable for her to get in touch after distancing herself from them to say "Hey, I'm getting married and you won't be in the wedding party because you are just not up to snuff." ... and it is the fact of that unthinkably cruel option even being on the table that set me off.
10-23-2009 11:26
scrappy indiana wrote:
reply to greens
You're right, very little is really known about the bride. But don't you see it as a bit telling that she says of her overweight friend, "I've exhausted myself trying to help her lose weight, but she refuses to work on it."
If I have a person I call friend, whether or not they lose weight is of no relevance to me. If the friend asks for help but does not use/take what I offer, then so be it. Perhaps her problem is not one I can help fix. It seems controlling to say one has exhausted oneself helping another do something the second party "refuses to do."
Perhaps these people wouldn't fit in to this bride's vision of her wedding; to fret over what she says is a "friendship" and then portrays as some sort of long dead acquaintanceship due to their loudness and immaturity does not seem terribly mature on the part of the prospective bride either.
If I have a person I call friend, whether or not they lose weight is of no relevance to me. If the friend asks for help but does not use/take what I offer, then so be it. Perhaps her problem is not one I can help fix. It seems controlling to say one has exhausted oneself helping another do something the second party "refuses to do."
Perhaps these people wouldn't fit in to this bride's vision of her wedding; to fret over what she says is a "friendship" and then portrays as some sort of long dead acquaintanceship due to their loudness and immaturity does not seem terribly mature on the part of the prospective bride either.
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