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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I am a recovering alcoholic with six months' sobriety.
Recently, I was hired at a new company. The job is everything I
dreamed of, and my bosses and co-workers are great. The problem is,
every Friday after work, they go to a bar to socialize.
I am always invited to join them, but since bars were where I did most of my drinking, it is essential to my recovery that I stay out of them. So far, I have politely excused myself from attending these gatherings, saying I have a previous commitment or an errand to run, but it is beginning to get awkward. I am aware that socializing outside of work can be an important part of an employee's success. I don't want to come across as standoffish or not a team player. But I also don't want to jeopardize my sobriety.
Some people have suggested I sit in the bar and sip a soft drink. I tried it once and was so uncomfortable (and tempted to drink) that I had to leave. My AA sponsor thinks I should tell my co-workers the truth, but I'm afraid if I do, they might think poorly of me. Or worse, I might get fired. Any suggestions? -- Between a Rock and a Hard Place
Dear Between: It is no one's business that you are a recovering alcoholic. If you think your lack of socialization is a problem, consider telling your co-workers that you are a non-drinker and would love it if they could mix it up and go to a cafe or restaurant instead of the bar once in a while. You might also bring up this topic at your next AA meeting. Many of your fellow non-drinkers have lived through similar situations and may have some good suggestions.
Dear Annie: My 58-year-old sister, "Doreen," gets into debt over and over. She will hammer at my mother until Mom gives her the money to bail her out. My father passed away years ago, and I am sure he would be horrified at how Doreen is taking advantage of Mom.
My parents worked hard for every penny they made. We always had what we needed, but were never what you'd call "well off." Doreen has taken at least $50,000 from Mom within the last two years, and now I find she has convinced Mom to give her thousands more. She preys on Mom's fears and sympathies until Mom feels she has no choice but to help her out.
Doreen has a low-paying job, and even though she owns a home, she is so much in debt that I don't see any way she could ever repay the money. At this rate, she will leave Mom penniless. How can she believe this is right? What can my brother and I do? -- Worried Daughter in Canada
Dear Canada: If your mother is mentally capable and chooses to give Doreen this money, there isn't much you can do to stop her. However, you might discuss with Mom the possibility of putting control of her money with someone else -- perhaps an attorney or trusted friend who won't be manipulated by Doreen. (We don't recommend you or your brother, since it could cause an estrangement.) A nonpartisan third party can put the money in a trust, pay Mom's bills and give her a monthly allowance, but anything else will require approval. Suggest it.
Dear Annie: I have an easy solution to "Senior Delinquent's" dilemma about carrying her prescription pills in a plastic bag.
I, too, must carry several medications with me when I go out. I save the description insert that comes with each prescription and put it in my purse. The insert lists all the information on the bottle label. -- Portable Pharmacist in San Pedro, Calif.
Dear San Pedro: We suspect that works much better for women with large purses than men with small wallets, but thanks for a useful idea.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/20/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-20-2009 18:48
PA Transplant wrote:
greens
I have the same situation with my mom. I have done exactly what you suggested. It has fallen on deaf ears. When I tell her they will have to make it on their own when she is gone she says I know, but... On that basis I seriously doubt a book will do mom any good.
I strongly urge 'daughter' to hire an objective third party to handle the finances unless she can handle the rift that will surely follow if she chooses to handle them herself.
I could write a book on what the child who takes over the parents finances goes through. You could find it in the horror section.
I have the same situation with my mom. I have done exactly what you suggested. It has fallen on deaf ears. When I tell her they will have to make it on their own when she is gone she says I know, but... On that basis I seriously doubt a book will do mom any good.
I strongly urge 'daughter' to hire an objective third party to handle the finances unless she can handle the rift that will surely follow if she chooses to handle them herself.
I could write a book on what the child who takes over the parents finances goes through. You could find it in the horror section.
10-20-2009 18:06
Judy Longview WA wrote:
The other Charlie Brown in Louisville, Ky
It is so sad when people become so obsessed with how much they can spend on Christmas but, Charlie you have a great opportunity to bring joy to some worthwhile, needy people at a critical time in their lives. Do you know the women who have to go to the Emergency support shelters in your area arrive, sometimes, with nothing but the clothes on their backs and nothing for their children who are so innocent and would love to have some of the things you are talking about plus comfort to those moms who feel so helpless. Accept it, us it to bring happiness to your local Womens Emergency Support Shelter.
10-20-2009 15:02
Peg wrote:
non drinking
I can see why a new employee might want to avoid telling co-workers and the company that he's a recovering alcoholic. Many people have incorrect ideas about alcoholics and are not comfortable around them and/or would let the term affect how they view/treat an employee and (wrongly) it could affect how the employee is treated. It might be better if the employee said he's avoiding bars as he no longer drinks but w/o going into full disclosure. I'm not saying this is the way it SHOULD be, but keeping a job is hard enough these days AND there are many reasons valid people chose to curtail alcohol- conflicts w/ other medications was my reason.
10-20-2009 11:34
Joy wrote:
Carrying your pills not in the original bottle MAY get you into trouble if you were ever stopped by the police.
As for the bar thing tellthe truth and if you are fired forit sue the hell out of the PARENT company for refusing to drink in a bar.
As for the bar thing tellthe truth and if you are fired forit sue the hell out of the PARENT company for refusing to drink in a bar.
10-20-2009 11:16
scrappy indiana wrote:
recovering
greens, great point about the shopping around for a new answer. I, personally, like the idea of taking it to the group. More perspectives might help the LW get comfortable with this inevitable part of recovery/sober life.
I know this is not a recovery board, but let me talk a little "program" talk here. Yes, the sponsor is the person you chose who "hs what you want," but they don't always know exactly what is right for you. They do usually know more about recovery and their guidance should be taken seriously. Still, if the LW has doubts, take it to the group. Maybe hearing more or less the same thing will reassure them that this too is manageable and that any course of action that keeps you from that first drink and keeps you honest will turn out for the best.
I know this is not a recovery board, but let me talk a little "program" talk here. Yes, the sponsor is the person you chose who "hs what you want," but they don't always know exactly what is right for you. They do usually know more about recovery and their guidance should be taken seriously. Still, if the LW has doubts, take it to the group. Maybe hearing more or less the same thing will reassure them that this too is manageable and that any course of action that keeps you from that first drink and keeps you honest will turn out for the best.
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