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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: My husband really is a wonderful man. People describe me
as patient, easy-going and positive. I'm happy -- except for my
marriage.
For years, I've been bothered by the same three issues: I crave affection, but my husband is content to have sex once a month and I feel rejected when asking for more. Second, I feel suffocated at times because of his insistence that he always have his own way -- although I have been more forceful recently in putting up a fight. Third, I am very lonely. I have a full-time job and come home to be a parent and do most of the household chores alone. My husband is never here. He is a workaholic.
When I express my total frustration, there will be short periods where he is mindful of my needs, but it's only temporary. My husband insists we need the money he brings in, but I'd rather do without the extras he buys so I could spend more time with him. He thinks I have a pretty good life and should be content, and that all marriages have issues. Am I expecting too much? -- Sad Wife
Dear Wife: It is not expecting too much to have your husband's affection more than once a month along with some cooperation with the house and kids. However, you cannot make him become something he is not, especially if he doesn't see a problem. This is what counseling is for. A competent counselor will help him understand why his behavior is so frustrating for you, and you can learn how to cope with his limitations. He also should see his doctor and have his testosterone checked.
Dear Annie: "Larry in Bakersfield" is correct that writers commonly misuse the abbreviation "i.e." (id est) in situations for which they should use "e.g." (exempli gratia). But his definition of "i.e." was incorrect.
The abbreviation "i.e." introduces a clarification of the preceding word or phrase, whereas "e.g." introduces an example of it. Thus, one might write: "Skyscrapers, i.e., very tall buildings, sometimes have nicknames, e.g., 'The Empire State Building.'" -- Grammatical Fussbudget
Dear Fussbudget: Thanks for the additional clarification. When we printed that letter, we had no idea so many readers would be interested. Our knowledge of Latin is limited to E Pluribus Unum, veni, vidi, vici and whatever pops up in the crossword puzzle. Read on for more:
From Round Lake Beach, Ill.: I'm sorry, but your Latin expert has misinformed you. "Nostra culpa" does not mean "we're sorry." It means "our fault," which is not the same thing.
Connecticut: "Larry in Bakersfield" sent you an informative letter clarifying the difference between "i.e." and "e.g." However, in his explanation, Larry was grammatically incorrect when he said that i.e. "infers" a list of items. He meant that i.e. "implies" a list of items. A speaker implies, a listener infers. When something is implied, it is suggested without being stated outright. When something is inferred, the listener is in control of drawing a conclusion. So when Larry uses i.e., he's implying (or suggesting) a list of items. I infer what that list is.
East Coast: I laughed as I read the letter from "Larry," who scolded you for the misuse of "id est" vs. "exempli gratia." I am a medical editor, so those terms get tossed around a lot in my work. I tell people I remember the difference by thinking "e.g." is "for egg-zample."
Canada: I had to chuckle when I read the letter from "Larry in Bakersfield" about the difference between "i.e." and "e.g." Now we know why Latin is a dead language. -- M.W., Canada
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/10/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-14-2009 08:14
Nan wrote:
Sad Wife
Re: Sad Wife, who said "my husband is content to have sex once a month... My husband is never here. He is a workaholic... My husband insists we need the money he brings..."
Um, are you sure it's 'overtime' he's working?
Um, are you sure it's 'overtime' he's working?
10-10-2009 18:07
greens wrote:
sad wife
first off, it is not always possible to "work less". a career change may be necessary for that to occur. if he is a workaholic, this is unlikely to change. if he's working all the time, it would seem like their is no one to argue with and she would have her way most of the time. finally, i find i am happier if i do not make someone else responsible for my happiness. join a book club, take up cross stitching, etc. have dinner once a week with a friend. i'm sure she could find something to keep herself entertained without her husband. finally, i've always been of the opinion that if one person works a lot more hours outside the home, the other person should be responsible for more of the housework. seems fair to me.
10-10-2009 09:35
Shana wrote:
To Cecil re:Sad Wife
When do you suggest she go golfing? A full time job, kids and a house to run leaves little time for hitting the links... and in her state of unhappiness, the clubhouse and driving range could be dangerous places, because there is no telling who she might meet.
I would love to see this couple take a vacation- either a family trip or just the two of them- it might be just the change in routine needed to help the husband see that there's no point in having a rose garden if you never stop to smell them. Better to have daisies and enjoy them...Assuming her description of things is accurate, he's ignoring the very things for which he's working so hard. Besides that his wife is hurting, he's missing out on a lot with his kids and when these "growing up" years are gone, they're gone. There's no going back and no making it up.
I would love to see this couple take a vacation- either a family trip or just the two of them- it might be just the change in routine needed to help the husband see that there's no point in having a rose garden if you never stop to smell them. Better to have daisies and enjoy them...Assuming her description of things is accurate, he's ignoring the very things for which he's working so hard. Besides that his wife is hurting, he's missing out on a lot with his kids and when these "growing up" years are gone, they're gone. There's no going back and no making it up.
10-10-2009 01:17
cecil wrote:
Sad Wife
The wife should take up golf lessons. It's a social atmosphere and who knows who she'll meet.
10-10-2009 01:15
cecil wrote:
i.e. vs. e.g.
The U.S. sends rockets to smash into our only moon which controls our tides, and yet there are "intellectuals" arguing the finer points of Latin. We're doomed.
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