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Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I have a 9-year-old daughter who I love more than anything
in this world. Her mother and I split up when she was 2. "Carrie" is
an amazing girl, and we are very close. I try to spend as much time
with her as possible. I know she wishes she had both of her parents
all the time, and looking back, I wish things could have turned out
differently, but it's too late now.
I have explained to Carrie that life doesn't always end up how we want, but her mother and I both love her very much. I encourage her to be open with me, but I get the impression that she is holding back.
I wish I had a clear idea of how to handle this situation properly for her sake. When I dropped her off at her mom's last night, she was fine until I was turning to leave, and then the tears started to pour. It kills me to see her so upset, and I feel helpless. The divorce has obviously taken its toll.
How can I help her accept that her parents will never be together? I am beginning to blame myself for her unhappiness because I am the one who left the marriage. After last night, I can't stop thinking about it and feel the need to do something. Any advice? -- Grateful but Worried Dad
Dear Grateful: Some children never give up the fantasy of having their divorced parents get back together. Showing Carrie how sad and guilty you feel gives her hope that she has influence over the outcome. The best thing you can do is help her adjust. See her as often as possible, show her that life is still wonderful, and be absolutely firm about your status. If she continues to burst into tears every time you drop her off at Mom's, please consider counseling for her.
Dear Annie: A woman who works with my husband has begun to send overly friendly e-mails to him. He also tells me she has been making passes at him at work.
My husband has tried to deal with the situation, and I trust him completely, but she continues to act inappropriately. I will be attending a company function with my husband soon, and this woman will be there. What can I say to her to let her know I'm aware of what's going on? I don't want to make a scene. -- Ticked-Off Wife
Dear Ticked Off: You should politely ignore her. Ending this situation is your husband's responsibility. He must make it abundantly clear to this woman that he is not interested, that he has informed you of the situation, that he would like her to cease and desist all such overtures, and that if she doesn't, he will report her to her superiors. If he refuses to do this, you have an entirely different problem.
Dear Annie: Regarding "Nervous Nick," whose wife stopped smoking a year ago and is now using nicotine gum -- talk to her!
I am on oxygen 24/7. I stopped smoking two years ago, and it is still hard to resist the urge for a cigarette. My lung function is 25 percent, but even right now, I would enjoy a smoke. You can't imagine how difficult it is for some of us to quit. It is a constant battle, so please talk to her, praise her for quitting, but don't overdo it.
I wish the truth could be told about emphysema. It is a slow, agonizing death. At first, breathing is shallow, and then it gets worse and you become weaker and weaker. I can only walk about 10 feet, and a gallon of milk is too heavy to carry. I can dress myself, but am not strong enough to take a shower.
In spite of this, I had two cigarettes in the last year. I am so ashamed. God gave me a strong, beautiful body, and I destroyed it. -- Granny in Southern California
Dear Granny: Nicotine is a highly addictive substance, and your letter proves how difficult it is to overcome. We'll be thinking of you.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/09/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-11-2009 12:42
Lainie wrote:
crying 9 y.o.
Does this child also cry when she leaves her mother? If not, Please, please consider that something could be going on in the mother's home that keeps the child from wanting to be there. Yes, counseling and possibly investigating what goes on in the mother's home is essential.
10-09-2009 18:01
Shana wrote:
To EoE
Thanks- I'm not especially jealous or possessive but I do not play nice when someone is trying to stab me in the back and I find that acting quite amused by it all is shockingly effective.
10-09-2009 16:51
East of Eden wrote:
JD
I think you may be on to something. I wonder if the father makes a big deal of it when he drops her off at home. Children are impressionable and they tend to take on the emotions of their parents and I'll bet that the father is the emotional one and the daughter is just picking up on it and being affected by it. You are entirely correct - the would not remember her parents ever living together so clearly there is something else happening here.
10-09-2009 16:12
East of Eden wrote:
Shana
Oh boy, the subtle but very sharp and deadly knife. Shana, you rock.
10-09-2009 15:58
JD wrote:
Crying Child
Scrabble Nerd: The writer indicates the divorce took place when the child was two (2) years of age, and the girl is now nine (9). She probably can't even remember back to the time her parents lived together, so the fact that she is making such an issue of it, if that's truly her reason for crying, should raise a red flag. Seven years is plenty of time for acceptance. It sounds like something else is at play here and while I don't think counseling is the answer for everything, does it ever hurt?
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