Your email address is safe with us. View our Privacy policy.
Author Bio:
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar work together on "Annie's Mailbox," a unique advice column written for the modern reader. The two began their ...
Read more about Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I am a happily married straight male and am having a
problem with a co-worker. "Gil" is a self-proclaimed bisexual. Even
though he is fully aware of my orientation, he constantly makes lewd
comments to me. He also invites me to his home for dinner on a regular
basis -- without my wife, of course.
Gil is senior to me at work. Because of his stature, I am hesitant to report his behavior. How can I resolve this? -- Need Guidance
Dear Need Guidance: Gil is guilty of sexual harassment. Tell him you find his comments unprofessional and inappropriate and you want him to stop. If he keeps it up, speak to his boss or someone in human resources. He is leaving the company open to a lawsuit.
Dear Annie: My husband is approaching 60, and I've long been frustrated with our poor communication. Counseling has been useless since his participation was minimal. I suspect he has Asperger syndrome. I've done some reading online, and "Ron" exhibits nearly all the traits of this disorder.
I struggle with depression myself, and the prospect of dealing with this situation for the rest of my life fills me with sadness. Leaving is not financially possible. I've read about treatment options, but I doubt Ron would be willing to make the effort.
I find it hard to fully express my feelings, even in a professional setting, so I'm hesitant to seek counseling on my own. I don't have the kind of friends I can talk to about this. I feel so alone. Where do I go from here? -- Hopeless
Dear Hopeless: You might benefit from contacting an online support group for spouses dealing with this disorder. Online chat groups will allow you to "listen in" without participating until you are ready. Try MAAP Services, Inc. (maapservices.org), P.O. Box 524, Crown Point, IN 46307, the Autism Society (autism-society.org) or the online Asperger's forum at autism.about.com.
Dear Annie: Perhaps you will let me talk to "Unappreciated," who works for a small family-owned company. Employee morale has decreased because of the perception that the owners are not sacrificing the way the employees are.
I, too, have a small family-owned business. Our sales are down, and we currently have a freeze on salary and benefit improvements. Occasionally, I hear a comment about the fact that my husband and I live in a fine house, drive nice cars and take vacations. Here are the differences: Our morale is high. Our employees know sales figures and profit margins. They know that two of our employees actually make more than we do, and that the only people who have taken a pay cut are my husband and I. They've seen that the recession has not had a positive effect on our marriage or our health. They've seen us work many weekends. They know we are not too proud to clean the toilets or do any other job.
"Unappreciated's" employers may be making many sacrifices she is unaware of because the bosses have mistakenly chosen to keep things to themselves rather than consider their employees to be partners in their own success.
I suggest she spend this time taking classes or learning new skills. It's a good time to hunker down and find ways to create value for the company. When times improve, she will be better positioned to move to another company if she wishes. In the meantime, she should be grateful to have a job. Your suggestion that she express herself to her employer makes her look like a whiner. I had better not hear this type of thing from my staff. This has been hard on everyone. -- Been There, Too
Dear Been There: You had us on your side until the last few sentences. We're glad you've found a way to make employees feel valued. But no hardworking employee with a legitimate concern should be considered a "whiner."
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 11/21/2009
Printer Friendly Version | Send this page to a friend | Post Comment
Rate This Story:
Great - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - Bad
Posted Comments:
11-21-2009 16:35
Business owner's Mom to ... wrote:
Business owner
My son has a electrical contractor's business. Due to the slow down in building, he has chosen to keep his employees, and not get paid himself. He understands the economic slowdown is not their fault. If he earns enough on a job to pay his employees and the bills, then he pays himself. He values his employees, and wants to keep them. Perhaps Unappreciated does not have the "big picture", and should be happy they have a job at all, in this terrible economy!
11-21-2009 14:11
Charlotte wrote:
It is ludicrous to imply that, in hard times, people should be willing to overlook wrongs or violations of their civil rights in order to keep a job. On the other hand, it is also ludicrous to expect the owners of a company to limit themselves to the amount of compensation received by their employees. It is their company and they can pay themselves whatever they want. Why should they take on the headaches and heartaches, not to mention liabilities, of business ownership if they can do as well working for Joe at the filling station?
11-21-2009 11:09
another voice wrote:
guidance
What the ladies have failed to mention is the need for documentation. Otherwise, it is a he said/he said situation. Every comment and/or inappropriate gesture should be logged. This way, HR knows the victim is serious, that the harassment has been ongoing and the perpetrator can't simply deny it ever occurred. Plus, make a note of witnesses.
11-21-2009 11:00
greens wrote:
been there
we certainly live in an entitled society. most of the people i know who are employees think they should share in the rewards of a company. if the company makes money they resent it not being passed on to the employees. however, if the company is not doing well, are they prepared to go without pay, mortgage there house to put money in the business which may or may not make it, etc? business owners accept all the risk and they deserve the reward. the employees forgo this to instead have the security of a regular paycheck with no risk. if they don't like it, they are free to invest their money and time in their own business that may or may not be sucessful.
11-21-2009 10:50
greens wrote:
guidance, hopeless
guidance: tell the guy you want want the comments to stop. if they don't, then report him. the company certainly cannot be made responsible for a situation they are not aware of.
hopeless: my appologies to anyone who thinks i'm sexist, but there are plenty of people out there (most of them men) who are not "great communicators". i seriously doubt they qualify for some medical diagnosis! i belive the problem is her trying to make her husband responsible for all of her emotional needs. it's a lot easier to fix yourself than other people. i suggest she develope some outside interests, perhaps volunteering.
hopeless: my appologies to anyone who thinks i'm sexist, but there are plenty of people out there (most of them men) who are not "great communicators". i seriously doubt they qualify for some medical diagnosis! i belive the problem is her trying to make her husband responsible for all of her emotional needs. it's a lot easier to fix yourself than other people. i suggest she develope some outside interests, perhaps volunteering.
Comment archive | Comment FAQ's
 |
 |
|
View Annie's Mailbox ezine stories by date or visit the complete archive |
The ArcaMax Politics channel is one of 70 content categories offered by ArcaMax Publishing on this ... |
VideoSquares.com
