You've embarrassed the organization that made you rich and famous, and done it with a straight face and wavy hair. Bravo.
But while you're acting the part of spurned lover, let's work on your acting skills. Let's aim for a little more Bob Duvall, a little less Jim Carrey.
Yes, you're overdoing it. Losing to the Saints and Jameis Winston in Jacksonville when your team is favored to make it to another NFC title game? Chef's kiss. Losing by 35 while scoring just three points? You're giving away the plot.
We would prefer that you lose games in excruciating fashion. This will help you transition to Minnesota.
We want you imitating Fran Tarkenton, not Christian Ponder.
We're choosing our words carefully, because we know you're as sensitive as a chipped tooth, but if we're going to steal you away, we need you to keep us from being charged with tampering.
Just because we got away with it with Brett Favre doesn't mean we'll get away with it this time.
Poor Brett had to lose his job to you, spend a year playing for the Jets, then pretend he was retired just so he could skip training camp and still make it to opening day for us. We don't blame him for that. We blame him for coming back in 2010 when what he really wanted was to sell copper bracelets on cable TV.
We expect more from you, and we expect the process to move much more quickly. You go ahead and do everything you can to destroy your trade value and reputation, then we'll offer a few first-round draft picks (who needs another Jeff Gladney, anyway?) and the Packers will be eager to play against you.
So, to review the plan we agreed on: