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COVID-19 Vaccinations Are Everyone’s Chance to Do Something Good. And Get Sculpted Abs!

Rex Huppke, Tribune Content Agency on

I have received my first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine, and so far I feel fantastic and jfsgfdsnlsfnaldda,wnww,,fz…..

KIDDING! I feel great, and I’m begging and pleading — I’m also advising, beseeching and imploring — people to get vaccinated against this horrible virus as soon as possible once you meet state or local criteria.

If ever there was a time for Americans to come together and protect one another, it’s now. This is a chance to feel part of something bigger than yourself. (After a year of quarantine, I’m always happy to find anything that’s bigger than myself.)

On Monday, the state expanded vaccine eligibility to higher education staff, government employees, members of the media and, I assume, extremely handsome newspaper columnists. I fit in at least two of those categories, so my number was up.

With help from a colleague who is approximately 17,792 times smarter than I am (an admittedly low bar), I got a Tuesday appointment for an initial dose of the vaccine at a mass vaccination site in Batavia, Illinois.

Like most, I felt apprehensive, worried the needles they use wouldn’t be strong enough to pierce my rock-hard shoulder muscles. (#BodySculpting)

 

Rather than dwell on such fears, I bravely parked in the lot of what used to be a Sam’s Club, put on two masks, grabbed my 6-Foot-Radius Enforcer (more on that in a moment) and walked to join the line of about 100 people that stretched out the door.

The site was staffed by the Illinois National Guard, Kane County Health Department staff, local law enforcement and other medical volunteers, all of whom were thrilled to see me, though they did an admirable job not expressing that in any way.

Everyone there was masked, and people in the fast-moving line were conscientious about staying distanced. I know that because I brought the aforementioned Radius Enforcer.

The device is a 6-foot broom stick with one end wrapped in thick foam. The foam is wrapped in a sleeve made of faux fur. It basically looks like I skewered a raccoon.

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