Politics, Moderate

/

Politics

At Trump Impeachment Trial, Democrats Are Rudely Making an Overwhelming Case for Conviction

Rex Huppke, Tribune Content Agency on

As a proud Republican member of the U.S. Senate, I would like to formally express my disgust — disgust, I tell you! — at the way my Democratic colleagues are conducting themselves during this ridiculous, illegal, unfair and unconstitutional impeachment trial of Donald Trump, America’s forever president, blessed be his name.

As an impartial juror, my right to believe only what I want to believe is being trampled by these radical leftist Democrats. They keep shoving direct and consequential evidence in my face in a blatant attempt to get me to acknowledge what actually happened during the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol.

The House impeachment managers know full well I have already impartially made up my mind that Trump is both innocent and handsome, yet they continue to rudely make an overwhelming case for conviction and belligerently force me to reckon with my own outlandish hypocrisy.

This kind of behavior from my Democratic colleagues in Congress cannot stand, and I hope they will be reprimanded appropriately for bursting the bubble I exist in and getting facts all over me. (Those things take forever to wash out.)

We all know the facts of the case. On Jan. 6, then-and-still President Donald Trump generously invited thousands of tourist-patriots to visit the U.S. Capitol. By chance, their visit coincided with the official certification of the Electoral College votes.

Eager to see the building, some of the tourist-patriots became mildly overly patriotic and friend-trampled some police officers before breaking a few doors and windows that probably needed to be replaced anyway.

 

After that, who can say exactly what happened? Did Vice President Mike Pence and his family get rushed off the Senate floor and come shockingly close to people who were chanting, “HANG MIKE PENCE”? Yes, that’s true if you believe in proximity and words. But like myself, I’m sure Pence would respond to that by saying: “It was truly the honor of my life to be almost murdered by the great patriot-tourists invited to our nation’s Capitol by my good friend, President Donald Trump.”

Did a police officer and four other people die on the Jan. 6 outing? Yes, but it’s important to acknowledge that other people have died in other places before, and those deaths never led to a president getting impeached. That extremely sensible comparison demonstrates the absurdity of this entire case, and is something I tell myself every night so I’m able to sleep.

Over and over again in the opening days of the impeachment trial, the Democrats have viciously shown video evidence of the so-called violence perpetrated by the president’s tourist-patriot friends. They’ve also shown video evidence of the president allegedly “inciting” people by exercising his First Amendment right to stir them into a violent frenzy by telling them their country was being stolen and they had to “fight like hell.”

I found these videos offensive, in part because they reduced my insides to a puddle of shame and because one of the videos showed me running off the Senate floor like a frightened rabbit. I assure you, I was not frightened, because nothing frightening or wrong was happening. I just had to go to the bathroom really bad, due to the shame puddle and whatnot.

...continued

swipe to next page
 

 

Comics

Joel Pett Drew Sheneman Mike Shelton Bill Bramhall Milt Priggee Chip Bok