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I took part in a pro-Trump attack on the US Capitol and now I have to face consequences? That’s tyranny!

Rex Huppke, Tribune Content Agency on

Hello, I am a patriotic supporter of President Donald Trump who broke into the U.S. Capitol and attacked police officers because I believed the election was stolen and it was my duty to overthrow the government using only a flagpole I picked up along the way and the horns on the cool Viking helmet I wore.

I am now being told I have lost my job and might go to prison. This is an absurd, Orwellian trampling of my First Amendment rights, according to a person I follow on Twitter.

What kind of country are we if an outstanding citizen like myself can be fired, arrested and charged with domestic terrorism just because I livestreamed myself joining hundreds of other freedom fighters in attempting to crush a screaming law enforcement officer before defecating in the offices of Democratic lawmakers?

As the CEO of a small company, my rights have been constantly trampled by leftists, and I have had to endure unspeakable horrors like using LED lightbulbs and having my Facebook account shut down because I kept using it to threaten a violent uprising against my own country. And now, just because I destroyed federal property, put the lives of members of Congress at risk and engaged in an attack that led to the death of a police officer, I’m the one who has to face consequences?!?

That seems both unfair and tyrannical. I have never once had to face consequences before, so clearly there’s a problem.

Fortunately, I have a highly paid lawyer on retainer who joined me in Washington, D.C., and he will be representing me in this matter as soon as he posts bail on charges of domestic terrorism and fights back at the employer who fired him.

 

And now, I turn the microphone over to a Republican lawmaker from my district.

Hello, I am a Congressional Republican who loudly repeated President Donald Trump’s claims that the 2020 presidential election was “rigged” and “stolen.” I also egged on the pro-Trump mob that stormed the U.S. Capitol.

It is tragic that large corporate donors like Hallmark, American Express and Marriott are saying they will no longer give me money and that my colleagues in the Democratic Party are attempting to have me removed from office because I committed an innocent act of sedition and may have incited people to attempt a violent disruption of government activity.

Clearly this is an attempt to silence me, and no, I do not believe it’s ironic that I’m saying that in front of a large bank of television cameras.

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