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Dreaming of holiday gifts for the person who just wants 2020 to be over

Rex Huppke, Tribune Content Agency on

The key question this holiday gift-giving season is simple: What do you get for the person who only wants this godforsaken year to end?

That person is most of us. We’ve had enough. We want little more than for the hands of time to get a move on and propel us out of 2020, a tragically ongoing year that has achieved synonymity with the term “dumpster fire.”

Consider, briefly, the torrent of terribleness that rained down on us this year: a deadly coronavirus pandemic that, as you read this, is taking lives and derailing holiday plans and traditions; wildfires raging in the West; civil unrest across the country; the Summer Olympics postponed; movie theaters, bars and restaurants shut down; a wildly divisive presidential election; Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s death; Kobe Bryant’s death; Chadwick Boseman’s death; Eddie Van Halen’s death.

Shall I go on? No, I shall not. This is, after all, a holiday gift guide and not an airing of woes. Suffice it to say 2020 has been a bit much.

If you asked me what I would most like to find under the Christmas tree this year, I’d say: “Next year.” And I bet many others have holiday lists that look like this:

1) Nice lotion for hands raw from hand-washing

 

2) 2021

So we have a gift-giving dilemma. America lacks affordable time-travel technology, and America’s witches are notoriously unwilling to publish books detailing spells that might effectively POOF! us from one year to the next.

That means we have to be clever. We have to find gifts for the “PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!” crowd that will improve, or at least make tolerable, the dreary days between the holidays and the new year.

Fortunately, I have a few ideas. (You’re welcome.)

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