Politics, Moderate

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Politics

Trump’s narcissism seems effective. So I am now the greatest columnist in the world.

By Rex Huppke, Tribune Content Agency on

Regular readers of this column know that, from time to time, I receive emails that are not entirely flattering.

They generally involve helpful critiques like: “You (expletive) suck”; “Your a (expletive) idiot”; or “You stupid (expletive) (expletive), every (expletive) word you write is (expletive), go (expletive) yourself in the (expletive).”

I’ve shared many of these missives in past Reader Fan Mail columns. I think it’s important that my critics be heard, and my already low self-esteem enjoys being publicly trod upon.

However, as an avid chronicler of our infallible president, Donald Trump, I’ve decided a new approach is in order — a more Rex-forward, utterly narcissistic approach.

Let’s face it, Trump became president and could very well be reelected without ever acknowledging a single fault or turning down a compliment. The only reason he has not walked on water, I assume, is because water is involved in a Deep State plot to keep him from appearing messianic.

So if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

 

What follows are actual notes from highly respected and educated readers — truly some of the most impressive Americans — touting my greatness, which many are saying is the greatest greatness they’ve ever seen. I will honor each note with a response acknowledging how smart they are to praise me, and I will encourage each of them and all of you to visit one of my many resorts or just send me buckets of money.

Here we go:

“There are now two of us (one of which is you) who consider yourself America’s most-beloved columnist. … The biting humor nailed it. Flawless in presentation and relevance. Could literally not stop laughing.”

Thank you so much for being a REAL AMERICAN who recognizes TRUE TALENT. Unlike the losers and haters out there, you clearly see that my writing has MADE WORDS GREAT AGAIN. You’re welcome, America!

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