Welcome to the White House, where we are winning!
President Trump, because of his great mind, has found that the best way he and other Americans can protect themselves from the coronavirus -- which is being perfectly handled and is totally under control and is entirely the fault of the Obama administration -- is to blame everything on former President Barack Obama.
To that end, the president devoted Mother's Day to posting more than 120 tweets on his Twitter account, many dealing with Obama scandals previously known only to people fortunate enough to receive secret messages from Fox News host Sean Hannity through fillings in their teeth.
All of Trump's hard work on Mother's Day proved conclusively that Obama conspired to bring down the Trump administration by not revealing an investigation into the Trump campaign during the 2016 election, instead waiting for Trump to win the election and serve for three years before unleashing a deadly virus that Hillary Clinton created when she bit a bat in China. Then, presumably drunk on power and coup-enthusiastic, Obama's Deep State shadow government failed to respond quickly enough to the virus outbreak here in America and foolishly said it would be gone by April and then murdered tens of thousands of Americans using 5G cellular communications technology.
It's all in there on President Trump's Twitter account, you just have to read between the lines. And if you see those tweets and think they reflect poorly on the president, you should know that Obama hacked Trump's Twitter account and put all those tweets there to make him look bad. That guy will stop at nothing to destroy our country.
So, now that you have received your fifth coronavirus test, donned your mask that everyone except the president has to wear and focused all your blame for everything bad that has ever happened on Obama, you are ready to enter the White House, where we are perfectly handling the coronavirus outbreak that nobody outside the White House should be worrying about at all.
Please enjoy your stay. If you have any complaints, please direct them to Barack Obama.
(Rex Huppke is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune and a noted hypocrisy enthusiast. You can email him at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him on Twitter at @RexHuppke.)