Trump's State of the Union show: A very real sneak peek
I am doing a fantastic job, really, this country is so lucky to have me. Especially the blacks. I have helped the blacks so much. Have you seen the unemployment numbers? It went from like 50 percent down to now, which is basically nothing, really. It's basically zero unemployment. Where are my black Republicans? They should be clapping because I've done so much.
(WAIT FOR CLAPPING BY THE BLACKS TO STOP.)
Jay-Z tried to attack me the other day, but I said, "Look how well the blacks are doing?" He's a loser, I don't care what he thinks. Total nobody.
In conclusion, everyone loves America now and I get an A-plus. Everyone loves me.
Make America Great Again! Fake News! Robert Mueller is on a witch hunt! Deep State! I NEVER EVEN MET STORMY DANIELS!
God bless all of you, even Cryin' Chuck Schumer and the other haters. Tune in next year. Thank you, and good night!
(Rex Huppke is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune and a noted hypocrisy enthusiast. You can email him at email@example.com or follow him on Twitter at @RexHuppke.)