Do Morning People Deserve to Live?
Tyrades! by Danny Tyree
A 1986 Pantene commercial carried the tagline “Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful.”
Similarly, I must ask my readers, “Don’t hate me because I’ve heard a rooster crow.”
I tend to get up at the crack of dawn, even though I eventually encounter a lot of grumpy people who wish they had the energy to show dawn their…well, never mind.
Despite working the graveyard shift from age 23 to age 37, and despite an ongoing ability to burn the candle at both ends, I am basically one of those dreaded “morning people.”
To my credit, I am never “in your face” with cheerfulness and positivity, but I confess to being one of those beings who can roll out of bed and become productive without the assistance of a snooze alarm.
I am part of a sizable group. According to research, 25 percent of people are early birds, 25 percent are night owls, 50 percent are somewhere in between and the other 37 percent took Common Core math.
My DNA helps me be a morning person, but my bladder in particular nudges me to go ahead and start my day without dillydallying. I am sometimes envious of the late-sleepers who can intimidate their bladders. (“You’ve seen how much damage I can do to an alarm clock. Now back off, bladder. I’ve got my eye on you, too, spleen.”)
It’s nice to have some stress-free time to converse with the cats, peruse my favorite online comic strips, and catch up on the laundry. I’m glad I can actually enjoy the taste and aroma of a cup of coffee without depending on caffeine as a crutch, lifesaver or defibrillator. It’s more genteel to muse, “The richest, most aromatic kind” instead of “Clear! Clear!”
I make a point of trying to read the Wall Street Journal every morning. Of course, that gives a new meaning to “bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.” By the time I get through reading about all the pandemics, bankruptcies and assassinations, I felt like a squirrel clobbered on the road.