Are you Craving a Buffet Rebirth?

Danny Tyree on Jun 30, 2021

And, of course, some elitists have ALWAYS been grossed out by the thought of the Great Unwashed poking about in self-service victuals.

I can grudgingly understand their point. Statistics show that the only end-of-life activity outranking deathbed confessions and deathbed religious conversions is… deathbed excursions to the endless soup-and-salad bar! (“HACK! COUGH! Dang! I wonder what’s the world record for dentures flying?”)

So, yes, I can appreciate a few plexiglass shields and more frequent replacement of tongs, but I don’t think we should live in ABJECT TERROR of a few bacteria. As the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche famously opined, “Whatever doesn’t kill me only makes me strong enough to shove my way to the nanner puddin’.”

Whatever your view of buffets, carry out your convictions proudly.

But if you’re pro-buffet, just make all-you-can eat feasts a special treat instead of a constant quest for calories. It’s one thing to give up and resign yourself to elastic-waistband pants. It’s another thing when society is on the verge of needing elastic VEHICLES.

As one of Nietzsche’s contemporaries observed, “Don’t come knockin’ if the van is…slowly sinking into the pavement.”

Me? I will responsibly celebrate buffets rising phoenix-like from the ashes.

That reminds me…honey, line your purse with plastic so we can take home some of those chocolate-dipped phoenix eggs!

Danny Tyree welcomes email responses at tyreetyrades@aol.com and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades.”