Nothing's too tacky for Donald Trump
Surely we can agree that the people at NASA are showing some true ingenuity with their plans to allow tourists to visit the International Space Station. Starting next year, private citizens will be able to book space (pardon the pun) for up to 30 days at a rate of $35,000 a night. Contact your travel agent for a special deal on transportation and accommodations, for an initial bargain fee of about $60 million.
Of course, that's not counting the "resort fee" and not counting the tariffs that President Donald Trump will likely impose on souvenirs. Yes, the newly outfitted space hotel would certainly have a gift shop. Plus, we imagine there will be gambling, because there's bound to be a new Trump Casino, which would be his latest property acquisition since his hotel in D.C., widely known as the "Washington Emolument."
Now, why didn't I think of this? I have been the one to suggest so many ways to raise money for the government, particularly since revenue dropped precipitously with the latest GOP tax hike. Selling naming rights for government buildings like the Boeing Pentagon, turning the prison cells at Guantanamo Bay into luxury condos (the ultimate gated community) -- these have been just a few of my ideas that have become the stuff of legend. Actually, they have been totally ignored, but now that NASA is offering the vacation trip of a lifetime, maybe some of these other proposals will see the light of day.
There is so much potential for NASA: Maybe next, we'll see a "Fly Me to the Moon" package, which would be just one small step away from the current plans. If someone can't afford those junior space cadet adventures, perhaps the government travel agents can offer something slightly more down-to-earth. Slightly. What about group rates for Mount Everest? Although I'm told the lines are terrible.
Now that the vacationing Trump family (often mistaken for the Clampetts) is making a stop in the states, between all their bad-will visits overseas, we can anticipate some true entertainment on the homefront. For the most part, Trump behaved himself while in Europe, but he still managed to leave behind a little bad taste.
There was his spat with House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Suddenly he was so incensed with her that he trashed her during a Fox News interview, not concerning himself with the propriety of doing so at the Normandy American Cemetery, where 9,000 U.S. dead are buried. He trashed "Nancy Pelosi -- I call her 'Nervous Nancy' -- Nancy Pelosi doesn't talk about it. She's a disaster, OK She's a disaster. Let her do what she wants, you know what? I think they're in big trouble." He also called ex-special counsel Bob Mueller a "fool," but Pelosi was his favorite target.
If Pelosi is "nervous," it's because she's struggling to keep her fellow House Democrats in line. More and more of them are demanding that she allow Trump's impeachment to officially begin. If for no other reason than he is stiffing just about all their oversight legal demands. She thinks that's a tactical mistake. Even so, the clamor gets louder in her party, and she's frantically saying whatever she thinks she needs to say to placate her restless flock: "I don't want to see him impeached," she told a closed meeting, "I want to see him in prison."
Why that would bother Donald Trump is a valid question: Normally criticism just rolls off his back. Not this time. Actually, not anytime. He went to Twitter for one of his tirades: "Nervous Nancy Pelosi is a disgrace to herself and her family for having made such a disgusting statement, especially since I was with foreign leaders overseas."
He'll be dealing with domestic leaders now, including Pelosi. And he'll be preparing for his July Fourth speech at the Lincoln Memorial, now that he's expropriated Independence Day for his own ego trip, which makes one to the space station pale in comparison.
It does suggest one other fund-raiser. When he's speaking at the Lincoln Memorial, why not get the Ford Motor Co. to pay to display the latest models of their Lincoln automobiles? Nothing's too tacky for Donald Trump. Or me.
(c) 2019 Bob Franken
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