From the Left

/

Politics

A Columnist Walks Into a Bar, and There's No One There

Marc Munroe Dion on

I sat on my living room couch today and told myself jokes. I'm semiretired, and I have time to tell myself jokes. Eventually, my wife came home, and I had to stop telling jokes and talk to her. That is love as it is lived. If she hadn't come home, I might still be there, sweating in the June heat, telling myself jokes.

What this little experiment proves is that I know a lot of jokes.

Most of the jokes aren't nice, either. They're racist, homophobic, sexist and xenophobic. The rest are just plain filthy. I do know a few "clean" jokes. I learned them in the third grade.

I've been a bartender, and I've been a good bar customer. I've done manual labor, and I've been a reporter on a daily newspaper. People, mostly other men, told me jokes.

Cops have told me jokes at the scene of a stabbing, though not if it was fatal. I've been told jokes in bars, in offices, in break rooms, on loading docks and in the dead minutes before a shift ended.

"Guy walks into a bar..."

 

"Guy gets home from work..."

"Guy tells goes to confession..."

"Guy's wife meets him at the door..."

No one has told me a joke in 10 years, and the last guy who did was over 70, and he told me the joke between bouts at the fights.

...continued

swipe to next page
 

 

Comics

Dana Summers Mike Lester Michael Ramirez John Branch John Cole Dick Wright