From the Left



Pantsless in the fields of the lord

Marc Munroe Dion on

The first God-given right I remember losing to big government was the right to sleep whenever I felt tired.

Yeah, kindergarten sucked. Of course, I didn't go to a public grade school. I went to a Catholic grade school, but I assume it was licensed by some arm of the government.

Before kindergarten, when I was a very little boy, if I felt tired, I dropped to the floor wherever I was, like a cat, and slept for as long as I wanted.

After kindergarten, big government had me in its clutches. Show up on time. Eat when you're told. Nap when you're told. Wear pants. Don't go home until you're told.

So, I understand why so many adult-sized Americans are refusing to wear masks in public. I was a child once, too.

And, if you think about it, big government already makes so many rules about what you can or can't do in Target. Our freedoms are bleeding away like blood out of a cut.


You have to wear a shirt and shoes in Target. You cannot be visibly, stumbling, mumbling drunk. You cannot leap wildly through the store making chicken noises. You absolutely cannot have sexual relations inside the store. The parking lot is a different matter, but even then, you should wait until after dark, and the two of you should park in a secluded area of the parking lot.

There are a lot of other store rules, too. The average retail establishment is a veritable socialist paradise of oppression, where the only capitalist thing allowed is your money.

Some retail rules are made up on the spot by our oppressors.

I remember standing in a little corner store in my old neighborhood when a fellow walked in with a big snake coiled around his shoulders.


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