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Stop shoving your sports agenda down my throat

Marc Munroe Dion on

I'm what used to be called a "regular guy." House. Wife. Job. Taxes. Scared of street crime. Frozen pizza. Flannel shirts. Draft beer. Used car. It took me six months to pay off the new mattress I bought.

But I don't like sports.

By that, I mean I have never seen a complete basketball or hockey game, I can't name five professional baseball or football players, I don't know what a "touchback" is, and I don't own even one piece of clothing with a team logo.

I like to watch boxing, but I can go six months without watching a fight, and if there were boxing on television five nights a week, I wouldn't watch boxing five nights a week.

And a couple months ago, I attended the gay pride festival in our town, not because I'm gay (I'd remember a thing like that) but because it was a nice day and there were going to be hamburgers and ice cream. I took a selfie with a drag queen. Nice guy, even if his wrists are a little too big to get away with it.

People complain all the time that the "gay agenda" is "being shoved down their throats," which is a metaphor too horrifying to contemplate.

 

And I know how they feel. The sports agenda has been shoved down my throat for decades.

There are far more sports bars than there are gay bars. I take my wife to a modestly priced restaurant for a couple steaks, and there's a television everywhere, each one showing some kind of sweaty, all-male sport.

"So, ya think the Bulldogs are gonna win the series?" a new employee says to me on the job. No one's bothered to tell him that I'm the guy in the office who "doesn't like sports." Sooner or later someone will tell him.

"Wanna buy a square in the pool?" some co-worker asks me when it's time for May Madness, or February Feeble Mindedness, or whatever it is.

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