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Hangover Cure

Marc Munroe Dion on

I get some of my best ideas drinking coffee. I get good ideas drinking whiskey, too, but I forget them before I can write them down.

I was drinking coffee in the office yesterday morning, instant coffee in a cup with a Christmas tree and the "Peanuts" character Snoopy on the side, when I came up with the best idea I've had since I decided to stop smoking cigars around my wife. Well, actually, the cigar idea was hers, but I got on board with it pretty quickly.

What I want to do is change the Constitution of the United States of America, of which I am a native-born, taxpaying resident who drives a 16-year-old pickup truck with a dent in the door.

In the city where I live, mayors are elected for a two-year term. People complain about that because it means the mayor is always campaigning and because if a mayor is a spectacular failure, his supporters insist that he hasn't had enough time to get anything done. On the other hand, if the mayor IS a spectacular failure, it's over in 24 months.

What I propose is that the United States elect the president for a two-year term -- if it's his FIRST term. If the guy (and so far, it's always a guy) gets re-elected, THEN he gets four years. All other rules and restrictions currently in place would continue to apply.

Every job I've ever had involved a "probationary period," usually 30 days, during which you could be fired for all infractions, both real and imagined. I always thought it was fair, and it meant that, for a month, I was the best employee they had.

--Sponsored Video--

Everybody makes mistakes. Sometimes, millions of people make the same mistake at the same time. Otherwise, how can you explain all those men over 40 wearing cargo shorts?

America, which is strong and screechy like a bald eagle, recently went on a big drunk. We mixed fake news with racism, strained it through the American flag, stirred it with a gun barrel and, when we woke up, Donald Trump was snoring in our bed.

Turns out, we married him, and now he's sitting at the kitchen table in boxer shorts and a wife beater, loudly demanding breakfast.

So, we're feeding him scrambled health care and a big pile of money.

...continued

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