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Trump should take the rap

Marc Munroe Dion on

Get 'em all together. Get Snoop. Get Lil Wayne. Jay Z. Lil' Kim. Dr. Dre. Hell, get Sir Mix-a-Lot in there. Anybody you can think of who might want to join.

Turn 'em loose, these writers and rhymers. No limits. Nothing is in bad taste, because we're playing by Trump's rules. Rap about Puerto Rico, health care, Las Vegas, the NRA, taking a knee, long weekends on the golf course, Oxycontin, heroin and the Russians.

Turn those fellas loose on Melania. What won't they say about her naked pictures?

There's gonna have to be a sanitized airplay version, but turn it all loose. Ludacris, I think, is the one to spit the Melania rhymes.

When you do the video, use holographic images of Tupac and Biggie and Eazy-E, rapping about health care and tax returns, and police shootings and riots. Make it a big video, 100 rappers, and Beyonce dressed up like Melania but with a little more junk in the trunk.

And for political cred, put Barack Obama in the back, sipping Hennessy and puffing a pipe, wearing a red velvet smoking jacket like a cool black Hugh Hefner. Keep it ex-presidential, but make sure the camera gets him bobbing his head.

When you release the single, announce that all proceeds will be donated to Black Lives Matter.

It'll sell, and, like all rap music, it'll sell to teenage white kids who live in the suburbs, because simple math says rap couldn't have become successful without teenage white kids from the suburbs. It'll sell in rural areas, too. What do you think white kids in Appalachia listen to -- banjo music? Yeah. In 1930.

It took black football players to show us what the flag really means, and what a lot of white people think it means. Maybe 100 black rappers can finally get everyone to understand what Donald Trump really means.

It's the best idea I've ever had, and nobody has to pay me a dime. I'd like to meet Snoop, though. I like meeting other writers.

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To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. Dion's latest book, "The Land of Trumpin" is a collection of his columns that can be rapped if you've got the patience. The book is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle, iBooks and GooglePlay.

 

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