Trump doesn't need a parade. He needs a Roman triumph.
Trump's triumph would use identical trappings, though he might eschew the toga for a more tasteful flight suit. Donald Jr., Eric Trump, Jared Kushner, Stephen Miller and John Kelly would escort him on horseback. Instead of troops shouting "Hail triumphant" at Trump, handling that duty would be Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson and other Fox News personalities.
Toward the end of the Roman triumph procession, two white oxen were sacrificed at the Temple of Jupiter and the prisoners killed. Trump's triumph, by contrast, would pause outside the Trump International Hotel. Though executing his opponents could be problematic, Trump might stand in the middle of Pennsylvania Avenue and shoot somebody, just for symbolism.
There's only one problem with this plan, as I see it. In the Roman triumph, a slave would ride with the general in his chariot and repeatedly whisper into his ear, "Memento mori": Remember, you are mortal.
For our parading president, this could be a dealbreaker.
Follow Dana Milbank on Twitter, @Milbank.
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