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A considered response to Trump's critics: Your momma

Dana Milbank on

WASHINGTON -- So the haters in the Fake News Media are again having a wild rumpus, this time because President Trump, threatening nuclear war via Twitter, taunted North Korea's Kim Jong Un by saying his "Nuclear Button" is "a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!"

To those who say it is juvenile for the president of the United States to deliver playground taunts about nuclear annihilation, I offer this considered response: Your momma.

To those who say Trump is demeaning his high office, I have a ready rejoinder: Don't be a bunch of dork-faces.

To those who think it vulgar for the president to boast about the size and functionality of his nuclear button (after boasting during the campaign about the size and functionality of his, er, love button), I offer two thoughts: 1) You booger-munchers make me puke. And, 2) Suck it up, you snot-faced phlegm-wads.

Not only does Trump have the biggest and most beautiful, well-functioning nuclear button, but he has the greatest and most beautiful taunts. North Korea simply can't compete. The best Kim has come up with was calling Trump a "dotard."

Fail! I know I speak for all 320 million Americans when I say we did not know that word. Every one of us had to look it up. But Trump, Smarty McThinkalot that he is, knows how to talk to us. However else we may be divided, virtually all American voters have finished the third grade and therefore understand the language of playground insults. And nobody speaks it better than Trump.

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If Kim knew his taunts better, he would have responded in kind. When Trump called him "short and fat," Kim would have replied with, "Oh, really, Das Gropenfuhrer?" or, "Bite me, Mango Mussolini."

When Trump called Kim "Rocket Man," the North Korean could have said, "Shut it, Darth Hater," or, "Can it, you Talking Yam." Kim, when dubbed a "madman" by Trump, could have achieved deterrence by addressing Trump as Agent Orange, Adolf Twitler, Hair Fuhrer or perhaps the Angry Cheeto.

Countertaunted so forcefully, Trump would probably be reduced to saying: "Oh yeah? Well, 'madman' times infinity!" -- thus opening himself up to the obvious but effective parry, "'Mango Mussolini' times infinity plus one!"

The two nuclear-armed leaders could go on firing ballistic missives across the Pacific:

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