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A missive from 2036: I was disgusting to criticize Trump

Dana Milbank on

While I at first chafed at the new restrictions -- no sources, no criticism -- I quickly came to realize how much easier and low-stress the new journalism would be. Each morning I get a call from Gorka with my assignment. I write it up, and then it's up to the Russian bots to spread the word on social media.

Here's the first draft of tomorrow's column I just sent to Gorka:

President Trump has already Made America Great Again. In fact, he keeps Making America Even Better and Better.

It is fair to say that no other president has done more than President Trump, now 90: Over 50 Legislation approvals, massive regulation cuts, energy freedom, pipelines, border security, 2nd Amendment, Strong Military, ISIS, historic VA improvement, Supreme Court Justice, Record Stock Market, lowest unemployment in 17 years! He is getting what will be the biggest tax cut in U.S. history. He will give great and popular tax breaks to the middle class but not make any changes to 401(k) plans. It all stays! It will be historic and once-in-a-generation. He will also get HealthCare and it will be great. The budget that just passed is a very big deal.

Jobless claims were the best last month. The stock market continues to set all-time highs. Unlike his predecessors, Trump has written personally, on parchment and with quill pen, to every relative of every U.S. soldier ever killed, going back to the French and Indian War. Raqqa is liberated. The National Football League is requiring all 32 teams to participate in color-guard drills. And Democrats continue to be wacky and crooked.

OK, so it's a bit dull. And it pretty much comes out the same every day. But it only took me about five minutes because I didn't have to waste time with "research" or "interviewing" or "fact checking." In fact, it took almost no thought at all.

And it's safer. Remember Trump's response when asked about Vladimir Putin's killing of critical journalists? "Our country does plenty of killing, too," he said.

Did I mention that Trump, in addition to being the best president ever, is very handsome?

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Follow Dana Milbank on Twitter, @Milbank.

(c) 2017, Washington Post Writers Group

 

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