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Revising biblical law by executive order

Dana Milbank on

In Exodus 20: 1-17, popularly known as "The Ten Commandments," the following deletions, revisions and additions are to be made:

After the phrase, in 20:4, "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image," insert the language: "Exempt from the term 'graven image' will be: (a) Time magazine covers, actual or simulated; and, (b) life-size portraits of the president purchased at auction with charitable funds."

The phrase, in Exodus 20:8-11, is hereby revised to state the following: "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Acceptable remembrances of the sabbath include (a) any golf played in Bedminster, N.J., (hereafter referred to as The Land of Milk and Honey); (b) any golf played at Mar-a-Lago, Palm Beach, Fla. (hereafter referred to as the Garden of Eden)."

In Exodus 20:12, in the phrase "Honor thy father and thy mother," insert: "Inasmuch as they hath given thee a very, very small loan of $14 million."

In Exodus 20:13, after the phrase "Thou shalt not kill," insert the following: "Thou mayest, however, totally destroy North Korea, which thou shalt accomplish by expanding thy nuclear arsenal tenfold."

In Exodus 20:14, following the phrase "Thou shalt not commit adultery," insert: "What thou has done with thine previous wives is thine own business."

In Exodus 20:16, the phrase "Thou shalt not bear false witness" is to be amended with the following: "No Pinocchios, nor Pants-on-Fire, nor any other description of false witness by the Fake News Media shall be judged as evidence thou violated clause 20:16."

In Exodus 20:17, after the phrase "Thou shalt not covet," insert: "but thou canst grabbest whomsoever by whatsoever part, if thou art a star."

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Follow Dana Milbank on Twitter, @Milbank.

(c) 2017, Washington Post Writers Group

 

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