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Apparently, it's illegal to laugh at Jeff Sessions

Dana Milbank on

NBC's Kristen Welker and Politico's Josh Gerstein shouted questions. Sessions didn't answer, instead giving an awkward wave to the cameras and hastily deporting himself from the room.

It was darkly funny that Sessions thought he could banish 800,000 people, Americans in all ways but on paper, and then refuse to answer questions -- just as it's funny that he thinks people who laugh at him should be prosecuted.

If the attorney general is going to continue doing laughable things and the Justice Department is going to keep making laughing at him a crime, we are going to need some new guidelines about which laughter is illegal (Fairooz claims her offense was "involuntary," "reflexive" and at most a "chortle of disdain," while others have described it as "two snorts" and a "giggle") and a schedule of penalties.

A misdemeanor chuckle at the attorney general's expense, for example, could be punished with up to 30 days in prison for first-time offenders. An aggravated guffaw would get you a year, and if you were to confront Sessions with a premeditated ROFLMAO, you'd be looking at 10 years, some of that in solitary listening to Sessions's old Senate speeches.

Of course, Sessions, as the victim of the crime, must recuse himself, and a special prosecutor for laughter must be appointed. I suggest James Comey, just for giggles.

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Follow Dana Milbank on Twitter, @Milbank.

(c) 2017, Washington Post Writers Group

 

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