The Mooch takes a fall of biblical proportions
"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like its (sic) heaven on earth."
-- Mark Twain, as told to Anthony Scaramucci.
It was a fall of biblical proportions. Huge! Like, bigger than Jericho falling to Joshua.
"I said we were brothers," Scaramucci, the newly named White House communications director, said last week of his rivalry with Reince Priebus, the White House chief of staff. "That's because we're rough on each other. Some brothers are like Cain and Abel."
Scaramucci's retelling of Genesis had a twist: It was a murder-suicide. Priebus's Abel was indeed slain by Scaramucci's Cain; the chief was ousted Friday. But Cain met the same fate Monday afternoon; his buffoonery, self-aggrandizement and foul mouth caused him to be sacked after just 10 days on the job. He wasn't officially supposed to start until Aug. 15, so his tenure, technically, was minus 16 days.
Much too soon, The Mooch is gone. As the Good Book says: What the &@%$#? Those &@%$# can go &@%$# themselves with a &@%$#.
Never was a man more devoted to a cause than the Mooch was to the Donald. He sold his business. He gave up his political beliefs. He apparently gave up his wife. He definitely surrendered his reputation and his dignity. All for President Trump, who thanked him by saying, "You're fired." Only hours after tweeting to the world: "No WH chaos!"
The Mooch's tenure was such a whirlwind that it's tempting to describe them as Ten Days That Changed the World. But the Mooch didn't really change anything. He just made everything wildly entertaining.
As word leaked on July 21 that Scaramucci had been given the communications job, press secretary Sean Spicer quit. Scaramucci immediately gave a televised news conference, blowing a kiss to the cameras and planting many kisses on the "wonderful human being" who is Trump.
So devoted was the Mooch to his patron that he tried, with all the subtlety of the Soviets, to airbrush his previous criticism of Trump -- whom he'd called a "hack" and a "bully" -- and Trump's beliefs. "Full transparency," the Mooch tweeted. "I'm deleting old tweets." And so, in the name of transparency, he tried to erase a past in which he thought well of Hillary Clinton, Jeb Bush, gun control, abortion rights, Islam and climate-change science.