This column brought to you by the 'Amazon Washington Post'
WASHINGTON -- The publication I write for has a new name: The Amazon Washington Post.
The moniker was bestowed in recent days by President Trump, putting the newspaper in the company of the Failing New York Times, Li'l Marco Rubio, Lyin' Ted Cruz, Cryin' Chuck Schumer, Crooked Hillary and Low-Energy Jeb.
"A new INTELLIGENCE LEAK from the Amazon Washington Post. ... These illegal leaks, like Comey's must stop!" he roared, via Twitter, early Saturday.
"The Amazon Washington Post fabricated the facts on my ending massive, dangerous, and wasteful payments to Syrian rebels fighting Assad," he proclaimed late Monday.
Trump supposes that the newspaper is doing the bidding of its owner, Amazon founder Jeffrey P. Bezos. He further imagines that the paper is serving as a "lobbyist" for Amazon (which doesn't own The Post) and otherwise doing Bezos' bidding.
Well, I am here to tell you that this is a big lie. ["Big Little Lies" -- Season 1, 2017, starring: Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, et al. Amazon Video. Included with HBO on Amazon for $14.99/month after trial.] Bezos is perfectly entitled to put his imprint on The Post, but the fact is he interferes little with the editorial product. ["Interference" and over 1 million other books are available for Amazon Kindle.] And the intelligence leaks aren't "from" The Post but from whistleblowers within the administration exposing possible wrongdoing. Leaks are good! [Leeks, one bunch. Price: $2.86. Ships from and sold by AmazonFresh. Save $25 on grocery delivery.]
But don't take my word for it. Ask Alexa. She will echo my assertions [Place two Amazon Echo devices in your cart and receive $100 off your order with code ECHO2PACK]:
Me: Alexa, does Amazon own The Washington Post?
Alexa: I don't own anything.
Me: Alexa, does AMAZON own The Washington Post?