When Politeness Closes Career Doors to Women
This ain't no disco, as the Talking Heads song goes, but I sometimes take requests -- especially when they come from my wife.
"You ought to write about this," said the Missus, steaming over a debate that was heating up her social networks: Is it proper for a married man to eat a meal in the company of a woman who is not his wife?
Yes, as you may have heard by now, a Washington Post profile on Karen Pence, wife of Vice President Mike Pence, turned up a 15-year-old interview in which then-congressman Pence of Indiana made a startling revelation: He never eats alone with a woman other than his wife or attends events without her that feature alcohol.
For my wife, Pence's policy triggered memories of a state government official for whom she worked as a speechwriter. Whenever they were chauffeured from one event to another, he insisted that she ride in the back seat while he rode up front with the driver.
"People talk," he would say. Nothing personal, he said, but he didn't want any passers-by to see him cruising around town with a woman who was not his wife.
This double standard, which he did not practice with his male staffers, infuriated my wife, who grew up on the South Side of Chicago. It surprised me, too, but having grown up as her boss had, in a small town where gossip was the leading form of local communication, I understood where he was coming from.
People do talk, I would agree, but how much should we care? Efforts to avoid the possibility of gossip should not require the certainty of unfairness.
Pence's dining policy didn't raise many eyebrows back in 2002. It was "typical Mike," say those who knew him. The proudly evangelical Pence often calls himself "a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order." But now that he's the VP to President Donald Trump, the man who launched a million pussy-hat marchers, Pence's dining partner policy has ignited a new culture war along predictable battle lines.
Internet chatter stirred vigorous and furious debate about how gender works in the halls of political power. Conservatives saw a prudent policy by a heartwarmingly happy pair of parents. Feminists fumed at the implicit sexism of Pence's blanket discrimination against all women, however benevolent it may be. Late night comedians mocked the vice president's supposed unwillingness to trust his own urges when alone with women.
Yet, at least two women who formerly worked for Pence defended him in commentaries.
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