Blooper Patrol Finds Cash in the Cellar

Rob Kyff on

Members of the ever-vigilant Word Guy Blooper Patrol have sent me this latest collection of gaffes, goofs and groaners. Can you spot the blots?

1. "The concrete foundation of his home is being replaced with money from a state grant program." (Submitted by W. K. Lord, South Glastonbury, Connecticut.) I know the U.S. dollar is strong right now, but strong enough to support a house?

2. "(Former Hartford Mayor Carrie Saxon Perry) pushed for decriminalization of marijuana and gay rights." (Submitted by Vic Fetter via email.) Can you decriminalize rights?

3. From a government official: "We are in violent agreement." (Submitted by Paul Burton, Staten Island, New York.) Fighting over who agrees more with the other?

4. "He just was a person of principal who would have done the right thing." (Submitted by Jon Sporn via email.) I guess he also had a lot of money.

5. "Larson's proposal also would reconstruct the levies in the area, which were built in the 1930s." (Submitted by Joe Horka, Vernon, Connecticut.) No, not more taxes!

6. "You run into bureaucratic hurtle after bureaucratic hurtle." (Submitted by Rich Giammattei, Southington, Connecticut.) A bureaucracy that moves fast?!

7. "The lawsuit seeks a court order to squash a subpoena." (Submitted by Carole Shmurak, Farmington, Connecticut.) Are you sure that wasn't a "gourd" order?

8. From George Will's column: "It has been a while since Texas was, in Gene Autry's lyric, 'Where the longhorn cattle feed/ On the lowly gypsum weed.'" (Submitted by Gretchen Hall, Storrs, Connecticut.) Wouldn't that give the cattle dry(wall) mouth?


9. "The National Park Service said the climbers were suffering from exposure and being taken to local hospitals." (Submitted by Judy King, Farmington, Connecticut.) A rough ride in the ambulance?

10. From a TV ad: "If you or a loved one has been injured by an irresponsible dog owner ..." Even if he didn't have his pooch with him at the time? (Submitted by Mark Lander, Old Saybrook, Connecticut.)

11. "The tablet-style touch screen doesn't perch atop the dashboard but sits more discretely below the driver's line of sight." (Submitted by Henry McNulty, Cheshire, Connecticut.) Was it broken up into separate pieces?

12. "The government's novel use of an anti-theft and anti-bribery statue to pursue corruption charges ..." (Submitted by Carolyn SooHoo, Hamilton Square, New Jersey.) Now that's what I call a "bust"!


1. Being replaced using funds from a state grant program 2. Pushed for gay rights and decriminalization of marijuana 3. Virtual 4. Principle 5. Levees 6. Hurdle 7. Quash 8. Jimsonweed 9. And were taken 10. By the dog of an irresponsible owner 11. Discreetly 12. Statute


Rob Kyff, a teacher and writer in West Hartford, Connecticut, invites your language sightings. Send your reports of misuse and abuse, as well as examples of good writing, via email to or by regular mail to Rob Kyff, Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.

Copyright 2020 Creators Syndicate Inc.


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