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Taking the Kids: Pandemic family dynamics and safety concerns upend family gatherings

By Eileen Ogintz, Tribune Content Agency on

But if your family can’t agree on following recommended health protocols, experts suggest, this may not be the time to get together. Consider how fraught holiday gatherings get with inevitable arguments about parenting styles, politics and religion. Now the disagreements can literally have life-and-death consequences.

Consider a Zoom call first before planning to get together, suggests, Dr. Gabrielle Shapiro, a New York psychiatrist, medical school professor and chairman of the American Psychiatric Association Council on Children, Adolescents and their Families.

Talk about what you have missed seeing each other, what you are looking forward to when you get together. “Sometimes when we see each other, there are these conflicts, but talk about how you don’t want to do this right now,” she said. “And if your family members refuse to wear masks and you are worried about safety, keep it to video calls.”

With divorced families, she adds, parents should talk about their expectations for the kids’ safety and to be as consistent as possible. “Remember, after this trauma, the kids have changed, the parents have changed … you want to keep the anxiety down.”

If one parent believes it is safe to fly and the other doesn’t want the kids on a plane, perhaps a solution would be for the parent to fly to visit rather than the children, especially because everyone is so stressed, it’s important to be politic. Rather than saying “you are really selfish for not wearing a mask,” suggests Dr. Vaile, You might say, “I feel uncomfortable when you don’t wear a mask, and I think we can’t see each other until this is over.

“It is about trying to be creative with what resources we have now – and you have to accept this is the reality. We don’t like it, but we have to work with it. This is temporary,” said Dr. Vaile. “Find the balance you are comfortable with. Don’t judge yourself. None of this is easy. It is about asking yourself – what is in the best interest of my family?”

 

And reminding yourself—and the kids — that this won’t last forever.

“I’m optimistic that things will turn around,” said Dr. Beatty. “It just may take a while.”

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(For more Taking the Kids, visit www.takingthekids.com and also follow TakingTheKids on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram where Eileen Ogintz welcomes your questions and comments. The Kid’s Guide to Philadelphia, the 13th in the kid’s guide series, will be out this spring.)


(c) 2020 DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.

 

 

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