The obituary. It's often the last words for people who aren't famous. Obits can capture character and life's pursuits, telling your story.

Some tributes go only with the basics. Name. Age. Birth. Death. Survivors. That also leaves record of someone's life, said Rob Goff, Spokane-based director of the Washington State Funeral Directors Association.

"It's really about what they want to share about their life," Goff said.

In the industry 29 years, Goff said he thinks the best obituaries are ones self-written by individuals in making arrangements or by loved ones who go beyond a few facts.

"The obituaries that stand out to me are the ones where people really put thought into what they want to say and how," he said. "They don't go to the standards, just a next-of-kin listing. They go deeper and tell a story of the person's life.

"It might just be one little sentence in the middle of that obituary, but that sentence makes it a human-interest story. Maybe it's a little joke, but it's that one thing that makes it an interesting obituary."

Certain elements do bring an obituary to another level, said Jamie Passaro, a writer in Eugene. She operates the business Dear Person writing obituaries for clients or teaching obit-writing classes.

"I advise people at any age to write their own obituary," Passaro said. "That's because it's not only an interesting, meaningful and even a fun exercise, but it's a huge gift to your family or your loved ones not to have to take on this research and writing project while they're grieving for you.

"If you have something prepared, even if you wrote it a few years ago, it's a good starting point for a family. Who better to decide what those words should say than you?"

She asks individuals or families about a few specifics such as favorite memories or stories and even imperfections. There might be a go-to recipe, a movie line or a relative's quote, she said.

It was more difficult to write an obituary for her mom compared with writing her own.

"It's just a hard time to write something worthy of the person who has died because you might be in shock," she said. "You have other details to take care of, getting a memorial service together."

Passaro and Goff offered ideas to craft a written send-off.

"I think the best obits really reflect the person who has died, so if they were a very serious person, maybe you want to stick to the facts," Passaro said. "If they were a whimsical, spontaneous person, I'm going to expect some whimsy."

It's a balance, Passaro added. She avoids a resume-like list of accomplishments but adds milestones. She tries to get a few details beyond adjectives.

Mom was a music lover, so did she always dance when she heard a tune? That gem helps describe her.

A key question is, "What are the things that people truly loved about her?" Passaro said.

"When I talk to clients after someone has died, I definitely get all the resume stuff, but I also ask, what did people love about her? I love to ask, 'What were some of her inconsistencies?' I think that is a fun way to get at people's complexity."

Passaro, 45, includes a contradiction in her obituary.

"For me, I'm a vegetarian, and I mostly eat health foods, but one of my favorite foods is a burrito from a burrito cart where it's about the lard," she said. "Those inconsistencies are telling, fun and relatable.

"I also love people's pet peeves. Obviously, you balance that with their great loves and hobbies, where they liked to travel, pets and all that stuff."

Offering obituary advice, Goff said funeral professionals often say, "Tell us about your history."

"Tell us who you are in essence, so we talk about life's progressions," Goff said. "We go into some of the achievements, memberships, hobbies and even personal notations."

At home or in hospice care, relatives might ask open-ended questions and record answers to use later. Ask about life as a youth, favorite things and key events. The National Funeral Directors Association offers a card set titled "Have the Talk of a Lifetime."

Each card is meant to expand conversations such as asking about a favorite book. Another asks what words of wisdom would you pass on to your childhood self?

Some people aren't comfortable with such sentiments in a public obituary, or they're concerned about costs for newspaper publication based on length, Goff said. But some description of life is better.

"More often than not, I see obituaries being very basic – the person's name, age, they were born and they died, and here's their family," Goff said. "That tells story, too, but some obituaries you read really open up to tell you what their life was about and who they are."

Passaro also recommends reflection on how you want to be remembered, or, for a spouse and relatives, what you remember most about the person.

"You're trying to capture their essence," she said. "You're trying to distill it. Obits are not long, so you really don't have a lot of words."

Try to avoid boilerplate. "A lot of obits you read are boilerplate, standard. If people were witty and warm, that makes me sad because they just don't come through.

"One thing I don't like doing is just throwing in a bunch of adjectives. They have their place, but let's not just say she was a great gardener. Let's say she distributed zucchinis to all her neighbors every August."

Generally, Passaro tells people to write between 600 and 800 words. Also, more people are putting tributes only online where length doesn't matter, she said.

"I definitely tell them to get in touch with the newspaper just to make sure they know what they're in for," Passaro added. "That might limit someone. It really varies depending on if it's a small-town newspaper."

She recommends people look for online tutorials and review obits they like. She also sells $4.99 e-books for obituary basics on her website.

A self-written obit can share wishes such as desires for a service. For Passaro, it's a party with her favorite music, beer and burritos.

Writing a better obituary is worthwhile, she added. "Unless someone's a public figure, this is really the last word."

Goff reminds people an obituary is typically the only chance to put one's life into writing.

"You have the opportunity to say this is what I want the world to know about me. This is the legacy I want the world to remember me for."

He recalls a quote that when people stop talking about a deceased individual, then the person is truly gone. But in the future, if someone finds an obituary or headstone, stories can return.

"If you don't have an obituary or you don't write an obituary that tells your life story, there is not much of a trail that you existed – not much more than a birth and death certificate," Goff said.

"An obituary is a written statement that you walked on this earth, where people can look back years from now and say this person lived. Their life is still remembered and celebrated."

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