An important relationship has just ended and you'll want to do some processing and reflecting about the relationship by yourself.

Take time to ask yourself questions like the ones below that will help you gain an understanding of exactly what happened so you don't repeat similar dating and relationship patterns with a new man in a future relationship.

Step No.1 Take as much time as you need to heal

- What did I love about this man?

- What didn't I love?

- What do I wish could have been different?

- What was my role in the relationship that contributed to the break up?

- What are the lessons I learned from being with this man?

- What qualities from this man and this relationship would I like to take into my next one?

Step No. 2 Be really kind to yourself right now

Treat yourself to a beautiful new journal and start writing down on paper all of the emotions you're experiencing. This will bring clarity to your situation and will help you release a lot of the anger, sadness and grief you are feeling.

It's nice during a sad time to have someone take care of you and make you feel momentarily better...get a relaxing massage to release both the emotional and physical toxins from your body, pet your dog or ask a friend for a good hug. You could probably use lots of them.

Head out with a friend to your favorite restaurant and over lunch or dinner process the relationship and the breakup. You'll feel loved and supported by someone who really cares about you.

Make or buy your favorite comfort food. Whether its macaroni and cheese or a certain cookie your mom used to make ... it will momentarily take you back to warm and fuzzier times.

Watch old TV shows or movies that make you laugh. You know what they say.... laughter is the best medicine.

If you are up to it, volunteer somewhere or offer to assist a friend with a project. Helping others makes you feel better and takes your mind off your own troubles for a bit.

Everything can feel really blue after a breakup so consider starting a Gratitude Journal... then remind yourself of 3 wonderful things you are grateful for today...even if it's the sky is a beautiful blue or my dog loves me. It's going to keep you grounded and it will help you counter some the sadness that can be overwhelming for you right now.

Step No. 3 Allow yourself to grieve and mourn the end of a relationship

Don't hold back.

Let the tears flow ... it's healthy, it's a release and it will ultimately help you heal.

Should the sadness get too heavy, get help from a counselor or a trusted friend to help you cope.

Step No. 4 Wait to date until you've healed

It's tempting to substitute one man for another but it rarely works.

When you don't take the time you need to reflect and heal before dating again, you end up bringing open wounds better known as baggage into a new relationship.

You'll know when the time is right to date again; you'll be able to tell because you won't feel the same intense emotions of anger or sadness you are feeling now.

Step No. 5 Discover yourself again and create a great relationship with you while you are waiting to date

When you've been with someone for a while, it's hard to imagine creating a single life again.

Realizing who you are again can be exciting and a lot of fun while you're going through the healing process.

Try signing up for classes you've always wanted to take or go see a fun chick-flick by yourself or with a friend.

Sign up at MeetUp.com for fun activities that interest you.

You'll get to meet new like-minded friends who love doing what you like to do.

Break Ups are hard. When you can see them as an opportunity to get some clarity and to heal, you will find that new doors start opening again fairly quickly. And all you have to do is be willing to open a new one when you're ready ... then walk through to discover the magic that could be waiting for you on the other side.

Lisa Copeland, "The Dating Coach Who Makes Dating Fun and Easier after 50!" Find out more at Findaqualityman.com