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Dear Doug: Take Your Time

Doug Mayberry on

Q: I'm a lonely widower who would like to find the same sense of companionship I had when I was married. I found a lovely woman six months ago who I think would be a wonderful partner.

While I'm thinking about our possibility to marry in the future, I'm not sure she's on the same page. She doesn't seem as interested in me as I am in her. We seem very compatible, although we obviously have our own pasts and our own idiosyncrasies. I think we would work well together.

What can I do to encourage her to believe I'm a good choice?

A: It's important to make an effort to communicate how lucky you feel to have found her. If you play too coy, she may take it for a lack of interest and move on. Often, people tend to withdraw when they don't get a sense of how someone else feels.

What do you love about her? Communicate your appreciation of her. And make sure you're not making a hasty choice because you're lonely.

At the same time, try to showcase your own good qualities and the reasons why you're compatible. Why should she choose you? What makes you work as a couple?

 

Relationships require a lot of effort. You're unlikely to get more from a relationship than you put into it.

As you continue to get to know each other, you'll be able to understand what she's looking for from you. Over time, she'll be able to get a sense of you and what kind of man you are. Many people believe that we fall in love with people who possess the talents and qualities we lack ourselves. You should both truly know the person you intend to marry.

She may simply need more time to decide what she wants from your relationship. Be patient, and don't expect a commitment upfront. If you truly want to marry her, you will need to be able to communicate about your relationship. You'll need both self-awareness and the ability to be honest with each other.

If it doesn't work out, know that she wasn't right for you. Don't hesitate to explore new possibilities! -- Doug

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