A Bible Lesson: There's Murder and There's Self-Defense

Q: I recently attended Mass with my family. When we got home, our teenage son asked a question concerning the reading that morning from Exodus that I couldn't answer: If God says, "Thou shall not kill," why did God kill the Egyptians?

We've been trying to instill in our children the sanctity of all human life, and often refer to our faith to illustrate this concept. I know you've worked with clever teenagers such as mine, and I'm sure this question is posed more to illustrate some fault in this whole 'religion thing' than any solemn soul-searching. However, I've learned much from this youngest child of mine, and I hope with your help I'll learn more. - B., via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: I love clever kids, having been one myself a few years ago. Actually, your son's question is easy to answer and is often misunderstood by people of all faiths who happen to read the Ten Commandments. Your son just got the commandment wrong. He thinks it reads, "Thou shalt not kill." The actual translation is, "Thou shalt not murder."

Obviously, murder and killing are different words and different concepts. Killing is taking the life of a living being. Murder is unjustified killing of a human being. The Hebrew word is ratzach, which means murder, and that's the word used in the commandment. The Hebrew word for killing is harag.

If killing is forbidden, then your son would indeed be right that the killing of the Egyptians was a violation by God of God's own commandment (as would be killing animals for food). However, killing people who are enslaving you, pursuing you and trying to kill you is an act of self-defense; killing, yes, but murder, no.

By the way, the commandment where murder is proscribed is commandment 6 according to the counting of the Ten Commandments in the Jewish, and Reformed, Anglican and Greek Orthodox traditions. It is commandment 5, according to the counting of the commandments in the Roman Catholic and Lutheran traditions (they catch up to 10 by splitting the last commandment on coveting into two commandments: one prohibiting coveting your neighbor's house, and a second prohibiting coveting everything else of your neighbor's).

Q: My son (raised Catholic) and his wife (not religious) agreed when they were married that their children would be raised Catholic. Both their boys were baptized. They're now 6 and 4, but I've seen no sign of any religious training going on. Should I say something -- and maybe risk going where I don't belong -- or mind my own business? I feel awful that there's no God in the boys' lives. Any suggestions? -- Anonymous, via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: In general, I advise parents to stand back and let their children raise their grandchildren according to their own lights. I say this for two reasons: 1) They're not going to listen to you anyway, and 2) there are many different ways to raise kids who love God and love their faith.

However, a little nudge is OK to try to get your grandchildren launched as Catholics. Ask your son and daughter-in-law to bring the grandkids and join you at church on Sunday. If they say no, ask to take the boys yourself. If they say no again, ask for this as your birthday present. Offer to sponsor the boys' first communion. If your church has adult education or parenting classes, ask your son and his wife to join you.

Beyond these invitations (which should all be followed by a meal in your son and his wife's favorite restaurant), there's little you can do but wait and hope that some day these kids will come home from school and ask their parents, "Mary in my class is Catholic, and David is Jewish, but what am I?" My hope and prayer is that your children will not be able to survive that question and will seek spiritual roots for their family.

Q: Recently, my in-laws' health started to decline -- memory loss, hearing loss, etc. My mother-in-law fell and broke her arm and is now in rehab. It was suggested that both of them move to an assisted living facility.

My father-in-law is 90 and my mother-in-law is 87. Their health was previously excellent and they enjoyed an active lifestyle. This sudden change is upsetting and confusing for them. My husband, his brother and sister are trying to make the right decision for their parents. My husband flew up to help out, while I remained at home. He said he'd be there about two weeks, which I feel is too long.

My husband was very helpful when my folks passed away. Mom was in a nursing home -- a placement that was hard to make but right for us. I really can't justify my feelings of being left out! Any advice? -- L., Florida via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: My advice for you is to think more about the welfare of your in-laws than your own feelings of resentment. If you're feeling left out, why not hop on a plane to be with your husband? You could remain respectfully distant from the decision-making.

The spiritual element of your question is how we can fulfill the commandment to honor our father and mother while at the same time recognizing our limits in becoming their caregivers. The key is to recognize what's best for your in-laws. If the best choice (let's say it's for them to live with you) is impossible because you work or because their needs are greater than your strength, seek the second-best choice, knowing it's the best you can do. That honors them and honors your limits at the same time.

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