Abusers had it all wrong! We are all worthy in God's sight

Q: I grew up in an abusive (both verbal and physical) home. After being called horrible names for years, I eventually sought counseling and found out these names meant nothing. I was not really fat, ugly and stupid. I was not really a slovenly slut.

When many of my teachers expressed shock that Mom told me I "was not college material and would never make it," I spoke to a guidance counselor and she helped me get into junior college. From there, I became an accomplished educator.

I am a Christian, and almost every worship service, funeral, or memorial service seems to include the hymn "Amazing Grace." I will sing this hymn, but I leave out the second line: "That saved a wretch like me." I understand that God wants us to realize we're all sinners and need to work on following in His path. I've looked up it up, and the definition of "sinner" is not flattering in any way.

However, while there are certainly wretches everywhere, I'm not one of them, and it bothers me that I have to sing that line. The word "wretch" is something my Mother would have called me. What do you think about this? -- L., via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: Thank you for your touching description of a painful journey to self-acceptance. I understand how hard it is for you to sing the second line of John Newton's famous hymn, but I urge you to see it, and then hopefully sing it, in a new light. The distinction at the core of this work of genius is the difference between a personal wretch and a theological wretch.

As you remarked, the hymn is about our universal human shortcomings and sinfulness, not our sense of self-worth. We're all created in God's image and so we are all holy, worthy and beloved in God's sight. This is the Good News. The bad news is, we all fall short of our holy potential. What your mother told you about yourself was a debilitating lie, but what "Amazing Grace" affirms is an ennobling truth -- that we need God's love and forgiveness to be saved.

That love is not motivated by our surpassing virtue, but rather by God's saving love. We're all blessed. That's what your painful journey has brought you to understand. However, we're all also blessed in excess of our virtue.

The Jewish term for God's saving love is hesed, often translated as loving kindness, but which actually means the same thing as the Christian word "grace." Learning that you're OK is the first step on the spiritual journey. Learning that you're not perfect and in need of grace is step two.

Newton was in particular need of grace as a ship captain in the slave trade. His epiphany was his awareness that it is not God's will to sell people as if they were cattle. Interestingly, this great Christian hymn was based on a verse from the Hebrew Bible (1 Chronicles 17:16): "Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and said, 'Who am I, O Lord God, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far?'" The awareness of God's extravagant mercy and love is at the heart of all wisdom traditions.

The way I explain this to children is to pound a bunch of nails into a board, then pull out them out, leaving several holes. I tell them the board is like our life and the nails are the like the bad things we do to others and ourselves. The holes are what's left behind after we apologize to those we've hurt. We can't fill in the holes even after we atone for our sins. God fills in the holes created in our lives by the sins we commit. Grace/Hesed is God filling in the holes.

I hope you can come to a forgiving place about the holes your family put into your life, and I hope you can come to sing "Amazing Grace" without thinking of yourself as a wretch but rather as a holy human being who's a good, but not a perfect person. Your limitations don't come from the vile things told to you, but rather from your humanness itself. Sin is a failing but it's a natural human failing. God's saving love is not natural; it's the miracle of salvation brought to us in every great religion with the same grateful and broken heart. Let us sing:

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now am found,

Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear,

and Grace, my fears relieved.

How precious did that Grace appear

the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares

I have already come.

T'was Grace that brought me safe thus far,

and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.

His word my hope secures.

He will my shield and portion be,

as long as life endures.

When we've been here 10,000 years,

bright shining as the sun.

We've no less days to sing God's praise

then when we've first begun!

NOTE: Recently, I tried to correct mistranslations of Isaiah regarding the birth of Emanuel, and some readers thought I was demeaning the Virgin birth. I'm happy to correct this misperception. I honor the belief in the Virgin birth as a central Christian belief in the purity of salvation. I honor it as a foundational belief in the holy life of Mary.

However, what we must all come to understand is that our sacred texts are not valuable because they foretell the truths of another religion. They're valuable and holy because they are the sacred teachings of our own faith. When we understand this, we can come together by respecting the integrity of our various sacred inheritances. Then we can change the world through God's love.

(Send QUESTIONS ONLY to The God Squad, c/o Tribune Media Services, 2225 Kenmore Ave., Suite 114, Buffalo, NY 14207, or email them to godsquadquestion@aol.com.