MIXING RELIGIOUS RITUALS STETCHES ECUMENISM TOO FAR

Q: I believe most of us who are practicing members of religious congregations have welcomed the move to ecumenism. Our Baptist church joins with a local Catholic church for annual vacation Bible school. Ministers from various denominations exchange pulpits. Church members, as a group, attend Holocaust memorial services at a nearby Jewish temple.

However, what I've also begun to see is what I call the "Chinese Restaurant" approach to services and celebrations: "Take one from column A and one from column B." A recent interfaith wedding in a local Lutheran church concluded with the breaking of a wine glass. (The bride wanted to be married under a Jewish chuppah, but the minister would not allow this.)

At a local Presbyterian church, there' a bank of votive candles in front, donated by a member in honor of his dead wife, who was Catholic. Congregants go forward before services start to say prayers and light the candles.

It seems to me we're usurping the most "attractive" traditions from other religious groups without wanting to be otherwise committed to them. What are your thoughts about this trend? - S., via godsquadquestion@aol.com

A: I agree with you, to a point. The idea that ancient religious traditions, created and placed to enhance the meaning of rituals specific to that faith, can be just cut out and pasted into a mishmash of an interfaith service is not only inauthentic, but also just plain silly.

Protestants don't light votive candles in church and Christians don't crush wine glasses at weddings (actually, most rabbis use light bulbs because they're easier to crush).

A Christian wedding ought to bring two people together in holy matrimony in the context of Christian beliefs and Christian traditions; the same for Jewish weddings. When rituals from religions that contradict each other are forced together, the spiritual integrity of the wedding service suffers. Such "Chinese Restaurant" ceremonies also convey the false idea that just because we all worship the same God, we're all of the same faith.

We are not all the same in the ways we sanctify the cycle of life, and people ought to respect the integrity of different faiths by not distorting them to create a ceremony devoid of meaning and awkward in form. A better choice for a wedding is to pick one tradition and be married in it, live in it and raise your children in it. If the couple cannot come to this decision, they ought to pick a secular officiant, such as a judge.

The different traditions of a bride and groom can be honored during their wedding reception in toasts and in dancing the horah, if one of them is Jewish. Why pretend to be what you're not, and why make a faith with its own forms twist itself just to make a point that in the end is not valid anyway?

As for Thanksgiving services, interfaith Passover meals, or preacher exchanges, ecumenical efforts are entirely appropriate. In such settings, you're welcoming guests from another faith into your house of worship. They know they are guests and the purpose of their visit is to try to dispel some of the ignorance about different faiths and faith customs.

When I preach in a church, I preach as a rabbi, not as someone impersonating a priest or minister, and vice versa. These moments are rich with meaning and full of love and learning. Singing hymns (non-Jesus hymns, of course) in a church is one of my favorite spiritual experiences, and seeing the rapt attention of my congregants as Fr. Tom Hartman explains Catholicism to them is always a proud moment for me.

Ecumenical dialogue, in which people of different faiths speak and listen to each other, is the surest way to avoid prejudice and establish interfaith understanding from the people up, rather than from the clergy down.

Sadly, some of the ecumenical experiences Tommy and I have had over the past 20 years have convinced us that despite superficial praise for our efforts, most people are just not that interested in learning about other paths up the mountain to God.

We've had better luck with Project Understanding, where we give Jewish and Catholic high school sophomores a chance to learn from each other, then to travel to Jerusalem together. The deep friendships they develop strengthen them in their own faiths, while also giving them a deeper and more authentic understanding of how their neighbor worships.

There's nothing artificial about such an effort and nothing that distorts our religious beliefs. We do it to make interfaith dialogue what it should be. I do it in light of my favorite verse in the New Testament: "There are different gifts but the same Spirit. There are different ministries but the same Lord. There are different works but the same God who accomplishes all of them in everyone...it is one and the same Spirit who produces all these gifts, distributing them to each as He wills." (I Corinthians 12:4-11)

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