Dear Kid Whisperer,

My 9-year-old is generally well-behaved for me, but is terrible for our teenage babysitter. I’m completely at a loss, as she has mentioned not babysitting for us anymore if this doesn’t improve, and teenagers willing to babysit are few and far between around here. Not sure what to do.

Answer: You need an immediate behavioral change, and I can show you how to get it.

Of course, all of the great things that have been effective up to this point to get your kid to use positive behaviors around you can’t be done because you have to be there to do them.

Here’s how I would hold your kid accountable during a Responsibility Session. It involves Babysitter coming over to your home and some basic planning between you and Babysitter.

Kid Whisperer: OK, Kid, great to see you. Babysitter, thank you for being here. Again, Babysitter, I’m so sorry for how Kid acted the other day. I don’t think it will happen again.

Kid: It will happen again if I choose to make it so!

Kid Whisperer: Yikes. So, Kid, Babysitter and I have talked, and you really stressed her out when you acted so horribly when she was babysitting you.

Kid: So? Is this when I should start caring?

Kid Whisperer: Yikes. Since you stressed out Babysitter, you are going to have to de-stress her.

Kid: I don’t see how or why I would do that.

Kid Whisperer: Well, since you don’t know what to do, Babysitter and I came up with ways that you could de-stress her. She brought her laundry over so you could wash it, and she brought all of her shoes over so you could clean them. She’s been too stressed to do these things herself since you stressed her out so badly.

Kid: I refuse! This is poppycock!

Kid Whisperer: Yikes. That’s unfortunate since you are paying her to be here.

Kid: What on earth do you mean?

Kid Whisperer: Well, she’s a professional babysitter, and she doesn’t come over to people’s houses for free. She charges $15 per hour.

Kid: That’s outrageous!

Kid Whisperer: I can’t argue with you there. So, Babysitter is going to get you started with cleaning supplies for the shoes. I think she has some old toothbrushes with her, and I’ll make sure you have everything for the laundry. Babysitter is going to watch TV until your work is done and she can answer any questions about how she likes her clothes and shoes cleaned. You can take as little or as much time as you need, but time is money, and I’ll love you no matter how long it takes you to de-stress Babysitter.

This can take as long as it takes. No matter what, everyone wins. Kid learns a valuable lesson about solving the problems that he causes, or if he refuses, he learns a more important lesson: that refusing a reasonable request from an adult authority figure doesn’t get him out of trouble and doesn’t get him what he wants. We call this the Primary Lesson, because without learning this, it’s pretty much impossible to be happy and successful in life. In addition, Babysitter makes good money for watching television and teaching Kid to be kind and respectful, and Kid Whisperer gets to still employ a babysitter so he can, every so often, have a date night with his wife.

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