Life Advice


Health & Spirit

He Had an Out and Didn't Take It

Cheryl Lavin on

We recently had a tale of a psycho bitch that I thought was pretty darn scary. But Matt says his "saga" makes that one seem like "a fairy tale out of a Disney pop-up book."

Matt says his attraction to Amanda was simple. "She was blonde." He was 36 when they met, and she was 37. After dating just a few months, Amanda got pregnant and Matt "panicked."

"She was a waitress and didn't have any medical insurance. I had insurance, so I had to marry her quickly."

He didn't really know much about her, but he did know that she had two daughters, 8 and ten, 10 lived with their father. Amanda had told Matt that she gave her ex-husband custody because of her "hectic schedule." She saw the kids "maybe every other week."

The marriage started to unravel quickly. How quickly? On their wedding day.

"I said let's call some friends and celebrate. She said she had to go home and do laundry. Hmmm. Odd. As we were celebrating our wedding day -- doing laundry -- I called my boss to go over the next day's job. While I was talking to him, the TV remote whizzed past me, smashing into the wall, followed by her wedding ring. I hung up and asked, 'What's wrong?' She said, 'Was that one of your sluts?' From that day on, every female I knew, saw, maybe saw, who was a friend, a stranger, a friend's wife, a stranger's wife, a friend's relative, my relative, young, old -- it didn't matter -- was one of my "sluts" and I was doing them, did them or would be doing them at a later date.

"She also informed me that because we were now married, we didn't need to be 'hanging out' with friends. She said we were too old to have friends. I soon realized she had no friends. Not one."

Life is filled with ironies, and two weeks after they got married, Amanda had a miscarriage. "She asked me then if I wanted to end the marriage, and my reply was, 'What the heck, how bad can it be? Let's stay married!' This was my first marriage, and I thought things would get better and we could make it work."


It wasn't long after that that Matt started rethinking that decision. Amanda got weirder and weirder.

There was the car trip to visit her father. Amanda didn't say a word on the entire three-day visit. "I asked several times what was wrong. So did her dad. All she would say was 'nothing' and scowl.

"When we arrived back home, I said, 'If you don't tell me what's so wrong that you didn't talk for three days, I will not be going in.' She said, through gritted teeth, 'My friggin' black pants are missing! One of your friggin' friends took them.' I looked at her in amazement. I told her to follow me into the house, and we would look for her pants together. I made her stay with me at all times so there would be no questions or accusations when I found them. I led her to the spare bedroom, where she ironed all her clothes, and there they were, hanging on the back of the door. All she could say was, 'They broke in and put them back!' I was at a loss for words."

Next, more about Matt and Amanda.


Have you ever met a psycho bitch? Have you ever been a psycho bitch? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."



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