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Health & Spirit

That Unmagic Moment

Cheryl Lavin on

There's sometimes a moment during a first date. It may be at the front door when you see who you're going to be spending the next few hours with; it might be as the waiter is taking your order; it might be in the car on the way home. Whenever it is, it's that moment when you know: There's not going to be a second date.

Here's when they knew:

CHARLIE: After dinner at a rather expensive Italian restaurant, she told me, "You don't have to drive me home. You can drop me off at my boyfriend's house. It's closer." And I'd even ordered wine.

SHEILA: This was actually the moment when I realized there would never be a third date. I had a blind date with a guy I'd met online. He seemed intelligent and interesting. He was far more left-leaning than I was, which made for a good political discussion.

After our first date, I emailed him an autobiographical book of columns I'd written. By our second date, he'd not only read it; he'd memorized it. During our date, if I mentioned "Jessica," he'd say, "Your college roommate who later moved to Ohio and then married your best friend." This attentiveness was a bit unsettling, but the alarming part came when I realized that he had also absorbed my political opinions and then agreed with everything I believed. It was like I was on a date with the male me -- but not the real male me, more of a robot replica of me who was trying to have sex with me. It was weird.

CLAIRE: I saw customers regularly cheat and steal from the company I worked for. I was on a date with a man whose family was rich. I mentioned how I felt about people who steal -- they have no integrity. Later on, he mentioned doing the same thing that some of the customers were doing. That showed me right there his level of integrity and honor. He had money and he was still cheating people/companies. And he thought it was OK.

CHRISTIE: We were having dinner, and I realized I was advising him on strategies to get his ex-wife to go back with him.

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MARK: I knew a co-worker who met this woman in a bar. They hit it off, and he offered to give her a ride home. She invited him in for one more drink. He thought, "Things are going well!" They were sitting on the living room sofa getting kissy-faced. Suddenly, he heard something and asked her, "What's that noise?" "Oh," she said. "That's my husband down in the basement working in the workshop."

DYLAN: Things were getting hot and heavy in my car after our date. We were parked in front of her apartment. Suddenly, something popped out of her shirt. Scared the bejesus out of me! I thought it was a mouse! Turns out it was a falsie. I'd never seen one of those before. It was so awkward I knew I'd never be able to see her again.

STEPHANIE: We were out to dinner with a married couple who was friends of his. I'd never met them before. Over cocktails, the wife told me that they were friends with my ex-husband's new wife's parents.

It took me a while to figure that one out, but once I did, I knew everything I said or did would be reported back to the new wife. I knew right then that I would never go out with my date again!

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When did you know a second date wasn't going to happen? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."

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