Life Advice



Single File: Connectedness or Putting Down Roots

Susan Dietz on

Feminism is changing. The vitality that made sisters of us all, women tethered to one another by indignation and conviction, is becoming more personal. The battle for equal partnership is being waged in corporate offices, day care centers, private homes -- no longer by bra-burning mobs in public squares -- and it will ultimately be won by women (single and married) working together, helping one another, drawing strength from the simple contacts of daily life.

Now, while you're single, you have time to forge the kind of connections your own mother would never have dared dream possible. This, after all, is what the women's movement had in mind all along -- for women to form a chain connecting their careers, children, communities and places of worship and to link their undependence with causes that span the globe and bind the primal family of womankind. Single women connecting with the world -- well, why not?

The components of your personal connection are yours to choose. The ones described in this column are only a beginning. It would be a tribute to my beliefs if you decided to concoct your own styles of connecting, ones that fit you. If you feel like sharing your connections, write and tell me about them. I'd be proud to feature them in this column. As long as they are founded on a common purpose or need, those links will help us all.

Look at it this way: You have a choice. You can use your newfound confidence to move away from others, or you can build bridges that link you to the world outside your door. Connectedness is often lacking in single life, but it doesn't have to be. The seedlings, the possibilities, exist everywhere -- but they're usually undernourished. Once you discover how much connectedness gives back to you -- in stability, continuity, groundedness -- you will understand how it can make you whole, happy and self-possessed. And that's the bottom line -- single or married, female or male.


Your mission? To make yourself whole before marriage. I know, it's a huge challenge. (Sigh.) But believe me, undependence is much easier when you're in the flow of things. And the amazing thing about putting yourself there? It doesn't demand superhuman effort! You begin with your career, your children, your community and your house of worship (basics already in your life) and start to regard them as heart lines, ways to break down a rather large and impersonal world into smaller, more manageable worlds -- worlds that rotate on friendship and like-mindedness.


Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.




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