Life Advice



Single File: Mystery

Susan Dietz on

I love mystery. No, not the grisly murder-mayhem crime scene. The mystery that moves me (and maybe you, too, after I make my case) is the aura, the enchantment, the spell we women can weave around our femininity. But before we get to that, I want you to know my concept of feminine mystery has absolutely nothing to do with game-playing or deceit. With that understood, here are my thoughts on making the most of your feminine mystique:

First and last, cut down the verbiage. Resist the urge to fill every pause with chatter. Your new friend doesn't need (or want) to know details of your workday, your family history or your hemorrhoid surgery. All of that's important, sure, but not right now. Affection is in its earliest stage; it makes no sense to clutter those feelings with excess verbosity while impressions are forming. (He's sniffing bath oil you've strategically splashed on your pulse points, and you're weighing whether he's worth the cost.)

Truth to tell, you're both looking. Everyone's looking. For an hour, a night, a lifetime. A someone they can relax and be natural with, laugh with and pool ideas with. But don't start the reality show too early in the process. The glare of truth must be uncovered slowly, bit by bit, or it can snuff out the careful preparation. (But remember, this is all without mind games and girlie googly eyes.) It's early days, and while you both have already passed some tests, it's way too soon to know anything substantive. Right now, you're probably testing for common interests, but common values are still to be determined. And, my friends, they are far more important in building a twosome that endures.

Back to mystery. (Forgive. I do get carried away.) I guess what I'm saying is to be more than a date, to be an interesting woman who speaks her mind with grace and femininity. Be a woman of mystery, who purposely leaves unsaid some facts and opinions for next time. She has a life of her own that she's willing to talk about, but not the first time together. That's my idea of mysterious womanhood.


Oh, how I wish it to you.


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