Life Advice

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Health

Single File: What? Me, Marry?

Susan Dietz on

Yes, you! It just might happen that you meet someone you can't get out of your mind, a Wonderful One whose chemistry seems to mesh perfectly with yours. The mere thought of the person makes you grin with a happy secret between you and -- well, you. In other words, for the very first time in a long time, you're floored. And private time spent with this Candidate in Question only seems to make you more certain this relationship could very well be IT. And yet, and yet ... there are those early-morning hours that rumble you upright in your bed and begin the questioning.

-- Is this person in my corner, on my side, an ally? Is he FOR me?

-- Does he make my life easier, more fun, more interesting?

-- Does he add something to my life? Do we as a couple add up to more than two individuals? (It's that old synergy thing.)

-- Does this person have my welfare/benefit/interest in mind?

-- Do I like him? Do I like his values, view of the world, the way he relates to people, his priorities?

-- Can I trust this person? Do others trust him?

-- Is this person grounded, solid, down-to-earth, realistic?

-- Am I proud to be with him?

-- Do we see the future the same way, with similar goals?

 

-- How sure am I that this relationship will endure? oHHow do I feel about living together for a few months to test our compatibility?

-- Would I gladly go out in the middle of the night to get medicine for him?

-- How will I feel about him when sex between us loses its novelty? Disappointed or even more loving?

-- Am I quite sure this is my life partner?

Those questions don't come with a lifeline or studio response. Only you can wrestle them to the mat and come up with responses that satisfy your soul. Some might not apply right now, but that's fine. They're not meant to be one-size-fits-all. This is pick-and-choose time. The goal here is to jump-start the thinking and channel it in directions that make a difference in your life -- perhaps a significant one. My hunch is that when you start thinking along these lines, something quite startling occurs: All of a sudden, this person's packaging doesn't matter nearly as much as before.

AFTERTHOUGHT: Don't for one split second think this exercise is for marriage only! Its questions work for any relationship involving love and caring between adults. They're meant to tickle you into a mood of self-inquiry, to start a chain of queries about anything that pops into your head (and heart). In matters like this, it pays mightily to inject a dose of reality/rationality into this thing we call Love, and to balance its high jinks with responses that bubble up from deep within.

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We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks -- in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 Third St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com.

 

 

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