Mother Needs More Support To Stay Sober
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was very proud of my mother for steering clear of alcohol for over 8 1/2 months. Up until recently, she was doing a great job of staying completely sober. She had a bit of a drinking problem before. My mother started drinking again about two weeks ago and hasn't slowed down since. I feel guilty because maybe I haven't always been the most encouraging on her journey. I've had dinner with her a few times and ordered a drink or two. I'll often request that she have a drink with me and think nothing of it. Now I see that to help her, I should steer clear of alcohol whenever I'm around her. How can I keep her in check when I'm not around? -- Accountability Partner
DEAR ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER: Let's start with when you are around. Yes, it would be thoughtful and supportive to avoid drinking around your mother. You can encourage her to drink nonalcoholic beverages, just like you. You can also sit down with your mother and apologize for not being sensitive to her commitment to get sober. Do your best to have this conversation with her when she is not under the influence. Remind her of the 8 1/2 months of sobriety that she had accumulated, and encourage her to go for it again -- one day at a time.
If your mother is willing to get support, that would be great. She can attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting online or in person. Go to aa.org to find a meeting near her. While you can be an accountability partner for your mother, it is also beneficial for her to find someone who is working on their own sobriety to partner with.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine is calling out one of our professors for what she believes is racial profiling, but I witnessed the full situation, and I don't agree with my friend. I think she is overreacting. I really like our professor, and I would hate to see him go down for something that my friend (who has a track record of being irrational) is accusing him of. What should I do? -- Irrational Friend
DEAR IRRATIONAL FRIEND: Now is the time for you to stand in harm's way. Go directly to the school administration and report what you saw. Go into as much detail as you can recall about the incident. Do your best to remain clear and calm as you deliver your version of what you witnessed. Make sure that they record it all, and truthfully answer any follow-up questions they pose.
Since you say that this friend is often irrational, it may not be worth it or wise for you to approach her about her accusations. Allow the investigation to be completed, and be prepared to testify about what you witnessed if the time comes. That is why it is also wise for you to write down or videotape yourself reviewing your memories. The more you record now, the more accurate your recollection will be when asked at a later date.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
COPYRIGHT 2021 HARRIETTE COLE
DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION FOR UFS