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Mom Doesn't Respect Daughter's New Boyfriend

Harriette Cole on

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the mother of a beautiful and talented 23-year-old daughter. I have always wanted her to date and marry someone who was established, educated and of Christian faith. My daughter recently told me that she has started a relationship with a 28-year-old department store worker. He did not go to college, he is not a faithful Christian and he does not have his priorities set for establishing a career. I don't want to discourage my daughter from being with the person she wants to be with, but I want her to realize that she can date somebody with more to offer. What do I do? Do I continue to support her dating a man who is going nowhere? -- Skeptical

DEAR SKEPTICAL: Tread lightly here, Mom. Your daughter is at the age where she needs to claim her independence, even as -- if you are lucky -- she still values your opinion. If you put your foot down about wanting her to stop dating this man, you may end up pushing her right into his arms. Instead, talk to her. Ask her what qualities she wants in a partner. Ask her what she has dreamed her partner would be like, what attributes he might have, what values she would appreciate. Get her into the headspace of thinking about her future. Then you can ask her if the man fits her image of the man she desires to be her life partner.

The fact that he works in a department store does not have to be a dealbreaker. There are all kinds of jobs in the world. Sometimes a partner can be great without being ambitious. What's more important, from my perspective, is whether he shares her values. I'm not sure what you mean about him not being a faithful Christian, but they should explore what is important to them spiritually, culturally, morally, financially -- everything. Encourage her to have those talks with him, which will help her learn if he is someone she's just having fun with now, or if he might be the one.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just started a new job, and there are over 75 employees working at the company. It seems to be the culture of our workplace to hit Reply All to every single email. I am bombarded with a huge number of emails daily because of Reply All. My co-workers email one another about everything from the important to the mundane. I am sick of it! How do I ask my co-workers to stop including me in their emails without coming across as rude? -- Reply All

DEAR REPLY ALL: Going against the culture you have just entered may feel like swimming upstream against a rough tide, and it may not work. Instead of attempting that, why not ask your co-workers to label things urgent or time sensitive when they need a direct response from you? Point out that you find conversations confusing and difficult to follow when you are included on so many emails that do not apply to you. By asking for clarification so that you can be sure to do your job well, you introduce the idea of streamlining communication without calling out anybody for their inefficient practices.

 

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

COPYRIGHT 2021 HARRIETTE COLE

DISTRIBUTED BY ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION FOR UFS

 

 

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